Yesterday’s ITT stage saw Alberto Contador extinguish the hopes of everyone that wants to win this year’s Tour like a Virginia Slim on the sidewalk in front of the Stardust Beauty Salon. Alberto is on a roll this year, dominating in both the mountains and in the time trials, something the Tour hasn’t seen since the days of Contador’s teammate and best bro Lance Armstrong. Naturally an Armstrong-ian level performance piqued the curiosity of those who watch the Tour skeptically, among them Greg Lemond, who made the following remark in LeMonde (I have a better English translation that someone sent me than the Google translation that follows – what can I say, people send me things…):

Given the recent history in our sport we need to remain skeptical. This means we should doubt these extraodinary performances. The skeptic in me looks at this and says prove it to me Alberto. I want to know, what is your VO2 max?  If we know Contadors VO2max we would know what to make of this result. The fastest climb in Tour de France history.

According to the calculations (calculations I won’t – or should I say, can’t – personally verify because I am too lazy and/or stupid to follow) that Lemond uses, he claims Alberto’s VO2 max would have to be near 99.5ml, a number that falls on the VO2 max scale somewhere between "best ever for a person" and "equine", so naturally there’s some skepticism. There could be some accounting for those numbers to be off or adjusted as the Verbier climb was a relatively short one (19 minutes), and there might have been a tailwind (although there are switchbacks all the way up the hill), but any way you crunch the numbers, you come to the same conclusion: Alberto did the fastest climb in Tour history on Verbier. And the second fastest in Tour history? Bjarne Riis on Hautacam in 1996, the year he won the Tour, and also the year where he might have been riding the Tour with blood sloshing around in his veins that had the consistency of chilled lime Jello. But don’t take my word for it, the sports scientists have dissected this information with a level of anal retentiveness that would make Andy Shen’s ears smoke.

Preview
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Stage 5
Stage 6
Stage 7
Stage 8
Stage 9
Stage 10
Stage 11
Stage 12
Stage 13
Stage 14
Stage 15
Stage 16
Stage 17 
Stage 18

Adding to the skepticism was Alberto’s stand-offish attitude in the post-stage press conference (from Velonews):

But asked to react to doubts expressed by former Tour de France winner Greg Lemond, present at the race Thursday, on his performances Contador refused to answer.

"I won’t answer this question," Contador said through his translator when asked to explain his impressive climbing performance to Verbier.

Last Sunday Contador attacked a small group of favorites containing teammate Lance Armstrong 5.6km from the summit of the 8.8km climb to the summit finish of Verbier to win the stage and take command of the yellow jersey.

Moments later the determined reporter repeated his question.

"Otra pregunta (next question)," said the 26-year-old Contador.

When asked to reveal his V02 max, his maximum capacity to transport and use oxygen while racing, the Spaniard was evasive.

""Otra pregunta," said Contador again.

I’m not sure how adept the Spanish are at press-conferencing, but "otra pregunta" is never going to be a very satisfying answer to a reporter’s question. But I think there is a silver lining to this cloud of Alberto suspicion. Now he and Lance can get together at breakfast today and bond over how much they would love for Greg Lemond to disappear.

And there’s even more drama following the ITT, Fabian Cancellara lost the stage by 3 seconds, and he is blaming motorcycles (from Velonews):

“(Contador) had two gendarmes motorcycle right in front of him,” Cancellara told VeloNews. “When I saw the time differences to Wiggins, I knew it was going to be close. When you watch, at the front, when you have two (motor) bikes, I don’t say it’s done. When I saw those motorbikes very close while watching on television, then I think, OK, then it’s over.”

Cancellara started 77th at 1:42 p.m. and set the early fast time 48:33, which stood until the very last rider on course – Contador – nipped by just three seconds.

Cancellara shook his head in disbelief as two French police motorcycles drove ahead of Contador through a sea of cheering fans. The big Swiss time trial specialist wasn’t making excuses, but he said the two bikes would provide an advantage that might have tipped the odds in Contador’s favor.

“For sure, I am disappointed. In the end, I said, OK, I will give everything, but to lose something by three seconds,” Cancellara said. “When you watch the race and see that, to lose by such a small margin, that’s why I have something to calm me down. “
To “calm” him down, Cancellara was sipping his first beer of the Tour. He wasn’t exactly drowning his sorrows – that will come in Paris – but at least it was helping to take the edge off of his disappointment.

I hope you’re happy French motorcycles – you’re driving Fabian to drink moderately!

And finally, there’s this tech related tidbit from CBCsports.ca:

"I went all out," said Contador, adding that his earpiece radio linking him with Astana team managers stopped working during the run, and that he was worried about Cancellara’s skill at time trials.

It seems that Alberto did his ride without the benefit of knowing the time splits or having the soothing voice of Johan Bruyneel saying "Try to not fall, watch out for that roundabout! Noonen! Noonen!"? Was this a malfunction? Was it operator error? Was he the victim of some sort of high-tech radio wave scrambler – and do they sell those at Radio Shack?

Stage 19

Today is a classic hilly transition Tour stage, which usually favors a breakaway of the guys who took yesterday’s ITT off. I’m hoping that Danny Pate set his alarm clock this morning, as this is a day that suits him very well.

98k to go, I tune in to the coverage, and there’s a big old break away, the move includes Cadel – which would normally be a cause for alarm, but since he’s 38 minutes down(!) this year, I think they’ll give him some wiggle room. And how sad it that? I almost feel sorry for poor Cadel, but I’ll just screw up that feeling by making fun of his yappy dog.

Today’s break also sees the reunion of Nicolas Roche and Daniele Bennati, who were in a break on a previous stage and then had a kerfuffle after Bennati’s remarks about Roche’s lack of work in the break. And when I say kerfuffle, I mean Roche trying to choke Bennati. Needless to say, I am delighted.

And in another development, Twitter says that Cadel is rumored to be going to Radio Shack, where his delicate sensibilities will no doubt be appreciated and celebrated.

They have a spot on the unwritten rules of the peloton, rule number one, never disturb Pozzato when he’s got his tanning reflector out.

74k to go, the break is hanging at 2:38, so their chances are 50/50 right now. BBox and FDJ are chasing as they have no one up there, robbing France of the opportunity to be disappointed by their performances in the break.

Alberto has been listening to a steady stream of squealing audio feedback and whale noises in his ear piece.

Here’s a Pate profile – can we all just agree that we want Pate to win a stage?

65k to go, Millar’s pushing the pace in the break to drop some barnacles.The group at the front shrinks like a combination of cool pool water and um, gentleman parts.

55k to go, we have a group of five up front now at 40 seconds, including Popo and Millar – Roche’s teammate Arrieta is up there – prompting Bennati to punch Roche in the kidney.

50k to go, the five at the front are working well together, with a gap of 2:47 to the pack and 1:47 gap to the Cadel Evans "weeping" group.

People have been wondering about the phallometric fall out of Lance announcing his new team sponsor as his teammate is winning the Tour; I suppose a win for Awareness is a loss for the phallometer. -2

Cadel is now back in the pack, each of his teammates passes by and smacks him in the back of the head, you know, to help push him along…

It’s 40k to go, and the break only has about 1 minute, it’s not looking good. Rabobank is chasing, as they have based their Tour successes on Menchov, and well…

It look like the break will be caught like cold sore at a concubine convention.

The break does get the sprint points though, relieving Thor SMASH from having to sprint and SMASH.

So now that the race is together, will Columbia go to the front and complain their way to the finish?

They talk to Thor’s SMASH manager, he says if things are together they will work for Thor SMASH. Let’s run his comments through the Thor SMASH schmalz translator: "Thor SMASH has the form to ride other of the racers into bits of small gristle, that will be later collected for the souvenirs."

34k to go, Duque is still holding off the pack at 19 seconds, does he think it’s Bastille Day?

VS runs a spot for Comic Con, which population has a higher ratio of virgins per 1,000 (VPM) – cyclists or comic book nerds? It has to be the comic book guys, right? Right?

In a desperate attempt at a tie-in, VS interviews Indy car racers about bike racing, well, I guess they’re both forms of racing, officially. Although the car people would have a better frame of reference if they actually pushed their cars around those ovals.

28k to go, the race is on the climb, the finish is on the other side of the hill. Let’s see if Thor SMASH can drop Cadel again.

Pellizotti Bawm Chicka Bawm Bawms his way off the back, perhaps saving himself for tomorrow or falling back for more product from the team car?

25k to go, Rabos still working, maybe Oscar is feeling well today?

Lefevre jumps off the front, maintaining Frenchness.

21k to go, they show a close-up of the kangaroo on Cadel’s yellow bike, Um, WHAT?? Did his teammates destroy every one of his other bikes? And how long did the Silence Lotto mechanic have to look around for that frame?

20k to go Ballan leaps off the side of the milk carton and up to Lefevre. They have a 18 second gap.

Paul says Menchov is setting tempo for Freire at the front. Cav is hanging in, watching to see if Thor SMASH attacks Cadel on the hill.

16k to go, Ballan and Lefevre crest the hill with 10 seconds and Sanchez attacks at the summit.

It looks like we have a mini San Remo on our hands now – Haussler just banged his handlebars and whimpered.

10 k to go, there’s some rain out on the course now, Menchov to hit the deck in 3…2…1…

Columbia at the front, looking for things to complain about.

8k to go, Ballan working hard, displaying preposterously white teeth.

Linus at the front, working for Ciolek’s 7th place.

It’s going to be close.

6k to go, does Thor SMASH have any SMASH left?

5k to go, Ballan’s teeth are transfixing!

3k to go, Columbia working for a field sprint, and to wipe that big, big grin off Ballan’s face.

2k to go, Ballan flicks his elbow at the remains of Lefevre. Inevitably, he has to take off alone.

Columbia is still reeling in Ballan.

Whooooah! Oscar bunny hops the roundabout, he loses position, but wins over my heart.

1k to go, Columbia chasing, catching Ballan, searching for things to be upset about.

Oscar moves up, but he might be too far back.

Cav has one guy left, he goes pretty early, Thor SMASH is right behind, he puts his chin on his tire to try and catch Cav’s draft.

Cav wins, Thor SMASHes to second, loses 5 green jersey points.

Oof, Wiggo lost 4 seconds to Lance behind the split today.