“PULP REALITY”   PART DEUX

                   "ALBERTO CONTADOR

                           AND

                   THE BELGIAN’S WIFE"

                            By Eric Faber with Quentin Tarantino

FADE IN:

We FADE UP on LANCE ARMSTRONG, a white, 37-year-old fading cycling champion. Lance sits at a table wearing an all yellow high school athletic jacket with “LIVESTRONG” written on the back with matching yellow bib, leggings and bracelet. Talking to him OFF SCREEN is everybody’s boss “The BELGIAN”. The man sounds like a cross between James Bond’s nemesis Goldfinger and Inspector Clouseau.

                        THE BELGIAN (OS)

             I sink you’re gonna find — when

             all this shit eez over and done —you’re gonna

            find yourself one smilin’ mudderfucker.

             Lance, right now you got ability.

             But painful as it may be, ability

             don’t last. Now that’s a hard

             mudderfuckin’ fact of life, but

             it’s a fact of life your azz is

             gonna hafta get realistic about.

             This business is filled to the brim

             with unrealistic mudderfuckers who

             thought their azz ages like my favorite Rioja.

             Besides, even if you went all the

             way, what would you be? Bristol Myers Squibb

             champion of the world? Who

             gives a sheet?  I doubt you can even

             get a blonde internet star with that.

A hand lays a fat envelope of cash on the table in front of

Armstrong.  Armstrong picks it up.

                       THE BELGIAN (OS)

             Now the day of the stage, you may

             feel a slight sting, that’s pride

             fucking wid you.  Fuck da pride!  Pride

             only hurts, it never helps.  Fight

             through that sheet.  ‘Cause a year

             from now, when you’re kickin’ it in Austin

      with Ben & Matt and your new baby mama, you gonna

      say da Belgian was right.

                                             ARMSTRONG

                   (intake of breath)

                            I got no problem with that.

                       THE BELGIAN (OS)

             Stage 20, you’re ass — it goes down.

                                          Lance nods his head:

                                (more intake of breath)

                                     "yes"

                       THE BELGIAN (OS)

                                         Say it!

                                             ARMSTRONG

                            (deeper intake of breath, eye twitch)

                           Stage 20, my ass goes down.

                                              CUT TO:

                                INT. CAR (MOVING) – DAY  NYC                                        

Alberto Contador looks really cool behind the wheel of a 1970

Black Pontiac GTO.  From the car stereo, Madrid Rock Band

Pereza blares. 

EXT.MIDTOWN MANHATTAN – OUTSIDE BXL – DAY                                       

Alberto’s GTO DOUBLE parks in front of BXL on 43rd st.

Alberto knocks on the door.  The front entrance is unlocked,

Revealing “DAPPER DAN” SCHMALZ on the inside. Dan isn’t really Dapper, he’s an amiable man from Iowa that claims to anyone who will listen that he is the current ladies sprint champion of Central Park. He has run a few clubs for The Belgian, including BXL.

                        DAPPER DAN

                                          (out loud,joking)

Alberto “Flavor Saver” Contador from Pinto, our man in France, Italy & Spain. Get your bony ass in here!

Contador looking professional in a black suit, white dress shirt and black tie, carrying the glowing black briefcase from the scene between Contador and Paulinho, steps inside.  Dapper Dan SLAMS the door in our faces.

INT. BXL – DAY                                       

The spacious euro bar is empty this time of day.  Dapper Dan

crosses to the bar, and Contador follows.

                                            CONTADOR

                                 Where’s the big man?

                      DAPPER DAN

             He’s over there, finishing up some

             Business

                                          CONTADOR’S‘S POV:

Lance shakes hands with a huge figure with his huge head back to us. The huge figure is the infamous and as of yet still UNSEEN

Man known as “THE BELGIAN”.

                        DAPPER DAN (OS)

             Hang back for a second or two, and

             When you see the white boy leave,

             go on over.  In the meanwhile, can

             I make you an espresso?

                        CONTADOR

Si. Seis, por favor. I have mucho Alpine Hill repeats.

                                              DAPPER DAN

                    Comin’ up. Nice ride outside what is that?

                                              CONTADOR

                    It’s my new Pontiac E.G.O.

                                              DAPPER DAN

             Where are the doors?

                                             CONTADOR

                                             (smiling)

                    Oh, I blew the doors off that E.G.O on the

             drive up the Verbier. Carries less weight no?

                       DAPPER DAN

                                          (Laughing)

                            So I hear you’re taking The Belgian’s wife out

                                          CONTADOR

                            (uncomfortable)

             At his request.

                     DAPPER DAN

             Have you met Eva?

                        CONTADOR

             Not yet.

                    (Dapper Dan smiles to himself)

                                            CONTADOR

             What’s so funny?

                                          DAPPER DAN

                    (laughing)

             Not a goddamn thing.

                                          CONTADOR

             Look, I’m not an idiot. She’s the

             big man’s fuckin’ wife.  I’m gonna

             sit across a table, ingest my daily intake

             of between 2.17 and 2.18 ounces of protein and              

                    carbohydrate. Chew it with my mouth closed. Laugh at

             her jokes and that’s all I’m gonna do. Comprende?

Dapper Dan Puts Alberto’s six espressos in front of him.

Alberto double fists and downs the first two.

                                          DAPPER DAN (laughing)

             My name’s Dan, and you the man.

ARMSTRONG bellies up to the bar next to Contador, who is gulping his 3rd Espresso.

                        ARMSTRONG

                      (to Dapper Dan)

             Can I get a box‘a Viagra?

                        DAPPER DAN

                       Mega strength?

                        ARMSTRONG

             Yeah.

                            While Lance waits, Contador downs his

              4th and 5th espresso, staring at him. 

              Armstrong looks over at him.

                       ARMSTRONG

             Lookin’ at somethin’, amigo?

                        CONTADOR

             I ain’t your friend, palooka.

                   Armstrong does a slow burn toward Contador.

                        ARMSTRONG

             What was that?

                                             CONTADOR

             I think ya heard me just fine,

             punchy.

ARMSTRONG turns his body to Contador, when…

                                          THE BELGIAN (OS)

             Alberto Contador has entered the

             building, get your emaciated Latin torso over here!

Contador gulps his final espresso shot and walks forward OUT OF FRAME, never giving Armstrong another glance.  We DOLLY INTO CU on Armstrong, left alone in the frame, looking like he’s ready to go into the manners-teaching business.

ARMSTRONG’S‘S POV:

Contador hugging and kissing the obscured figure that is

“The Belgian”.

Armstrong makes the wise decision that this asshole’s a friend

Of the Belgian, he better let it go — for now.

                                          DAPPER DAN (O.S.)

              (straining from the weight of the box he’s carrying)

        A box of Mega Strength Viagra – That’ll be $700 dollars

Lance is snapped out of his ass-kicking thoughts. He pays Dapper Dan with 7 crisp $100 bills out of the fat envelope of cash and walks out. Armstrong stops and glances back with naked hostility at the man from Pinto. He inhales between his teeth.