Today the Tour has moved into wine country for the second of a trio of flats stages, and that means it’s time for the sprinter’s teams to step into the spotlight and it also means desperate times for television announcers, as they will be forced to commentate on hopeless early breaks with scant hope for success, followed by the inevitable 10k from the line catch. I don’t envy them on days like today, it must get very tiring to have to read from the race media guide for 3 hours. How many castles and chateaus can you drone on about?

Preview
Stage 1
Stage 2
Stage 3
Stage 4
Stage 5
Stage 6
Stage 7
Stage 8
Stage 9
Stage 10

So what shall we do to fill up the time? How about blowing a small issue into a hand wringing controversy? The issue du jour is the ban on race radios. On yesterday’s flat Bastille Day stage they raced in "radio silence". This is a controversy that is akin to a kerfuffle about the color of the wainscoting in a "This Old House" project house, which is to say it’s a big argument about something that’s going to end up beige and being taken for granted in a few days. But let’s play along and pretend this a big issue, here’s a cyclingnews quote from Jens Voigt:

So it appears that the lack of race radios makes the pace more sane, doesn’t endanger riders by having their directors insist that they mass at the front for every little course change, and gives Jens a chance to argue theology? This to me sounds like a win-win. Voigt goes on.

It’s come to a point where the rider have been so conditioned to using the radios that they can’t make decision on the road by themselves? Did they all come into the finish starved and soaked in urine because they didn’t know when to eat or take a whiz? There’s some more telling statements from cyclingnews again from the CPA President Cédric Vasseur:

Vasseur has a point, you rarely hear about director protests over course safety, it usually comes from the racers. I think this protest comes mostly from the directors themselves, as they don’t want to lose their perceived control over their racers out on the road, and it kills the Hog that he can’t recite his saucy limericks to a captive audience.

But enough about the topic of the moment, we had a stage yesterday, which saw Mark Cavendish win another bunch sprint, and unless he starts making mistakes; I don’t see him losing any more sprints, here’s how he described the finale (from cyclingnews):

Cav is now winning with such ease that he has time to compose catchphrases, this does not portend well for Thor SMASH and the other sprinters. Simply put Thor SMASH cannot come around Cav, and Cav gets so low on his bike that Thor SMASH might as well try to catch a draft off a rolling marble.

I tune in to Phil and Paul and oddly they give us the latest news on some guy sitting in third place.

101k to go, there’s three green jersey sprints today, and the first two were nullified by Johan Vansummeren (Silence-Lotto) and Marcin Sapa (Lampre) being away in a break, so there may only be two contested sprints today.

The Tour officials revised their 15 second gap from yesterday’s stage, moving Wiggo and Levi back up the leader board. Delaying the loss of that time until later in the race.

We’re about 15 minutes in to the race coverage and we’ve had one castle description and one wine wall explanation, Phil and Paul are going to be clutching their media guides today as if their lives depended on it.

Phil and Paul mention something about VDV being involved in a crash with a spectator and that the race was briefly neutralized to let him catch back up.

The break is still out there, and the next highlight of the day will be the feed zone. I curse the Tour organizers and their refusal to included Toto and his chocolate based team (really) in the Tour this year.

Here’s a Jonathan Vaugthers interview. Is it me or have his sideburns grown from "stun" to "kill"?

89k to go, this stage is not going to get interesting for about 70 kilometers.

Frankie interviews Levi and asks if Levi gets any help from the team. Levi tells him he’s very grateful that the team allows him to sleep under the bus when it rains at night.

76 k to go, the two riders off the front go through the green jersey sprint. Will Thor SMASH and try to get the points?

70k to go, dear God this is an uninteresting stage. I’m watching the race to see if anyone pulls over to take a whizz or to see if Pozzato pulls over for a costume change. I’m thinking chintz today.

Here’s Ventura (I think) interview with Farrar, he asks Tyler whether he thinks he would have a better chance if he had Cav’s leadout train, Tyler gives the answer that will prevent Julian Dean from kicking his ass.

64k to go and we’re up to our 3rd castle of the day. It’s got a tarp on the roof, and that’s actually a highlight of today’s coverage.

59k to go and Phil and Paul discuss how Levi fits into the team dynamic at Astana, if they were to pose that question to Bruyneel, his answer would be "Excuse me?".

It’s really hard to suppress my desire to somehow compose a set of characters that will get that chalk bot to draw a yellow wiener on the course somehow. I must resist – it is the road to obsessive madness.

Today’s stage ends with an uphill-ish sprint, which oddly has favored Thor SMASH so far.

And I’m surprised that I haven’t yet remarked that the VS coverage has the location of each of the Tour leader’s jersey – plus a mini Astana jersey to show where Lance is. Will that jersey change to a black LiveSTRONG jersey when Contador drops him like teeth at a truck pull.

48k to go, and we’re at our fourth chateau/castle of the day.

45k to go, there’s a Garmin crash from a touch of wheels. Phew! It’s only Ryder – sorry Ryder…

44k to go, here’s another church description – the architecture count is at five.

Here’s a Cav interview, his fighter based paint job now has stickers for three "kills" for his wins in this year’s Tour. If you look closely, the stickers are made of Thor’s SMASH tears.

38k to go, and this stage is as predictable as an episode of "Scooby Doo", and Thor SMASH might’ve SMASHed if it hadn’t been for those nosy kids and their dog!

34k to go, another chateau, this one goes unnamed.

31k to go, another chateau, that brings my count to seven. They cut to Roll and Hummer, making me wish for another chateau shot.

30k to go, and there it is we are averaging about 1 chateau per 5k now. And those piles of bricks are still more interesting than this race.

Lance interview with new best bud Frankie, Lance says that he still follows George around out of habit. Lance says that him being at the Tour is good for the Tour – I’m gonna take away a phallometer point for that, he’s at 94 now I think. The correct answer to the media attention question was "J’aime la saucisse".

20k to go, and the race has started. Columbia, Garmin and Rabobank are working. Not sure if Liquigas is still bothering to work for Bennati. Oh, Benna, where have you gone?

There’s a Ventura spot, he says that the final 500 meters are uphill, which isn’t ideal for Cav. Freire has a good chance today, but Cav has been so fast, it’s hard to see him losing.

10k to go, and now things get interesting. The break’s holding at 17 hopeless seconds.

6k to go, Columbia’s at the front of the race, but it’s pretty clumped together, that could be a little dangerous.

5k to go, the break is caught. The race is still a little clumped.

It feels like someone is going to take a shot at a solo move.

And the signal goes out. Hey, Jean Claude, can you get off the TV cable?

2k to go, there’s lots of shoulders getting thrown around. Milram comes to the front to launch Ciolek into 6th.

1K to go, Milram still at the front, looking for a way to not win.

Here comes the hill, Thor SMASH sitting on Cav, who’s sitting on Renshaw’s wheel. This looks eerily familiar – and does not bode well for the SMASHing.

Thor SMASH goes. Cav moves out and nudges him a bit, Farrar comes the long way around Thor SMASH. C’mon Tyler!

Tyler in a drag race with Cav – it ends up with Tyler a half bike length behind Cav. Dammit!