Fictional characters collide!
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Today’s argument is from a special anonymous guest writer. I enjoy it when people submit their own arguments and stories, as it allows me extra time to scratch myself and do nothing in particular, it’s almost as if I worked in finance.
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We all know cyclists can be prickly sometimes. We have a generally terrible reputation with the public. Why? Is it the kind of people the sport attracts? Is it the inherent dangers that make riders “edgy”? Can anyone bring a spirit of hope to the cycling world? Or at least make a non-embarrassing team kit for Columbia?
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we sit for hours on end on maybe 25-30 square inches of leather, squishing our chestnuts or chafing the va jay jay, so we damn well have a right to be edgy!
what’s wrong with columbia’s team kit?
This argument as old at time itself . . or at least as old as the bicycle! It’s obvious to even the most feeble-minded lay person (such as Al Traurig) that cycling prickanosis (from the Latin, “pugil”) is most direclty caused by the long term, combined effects of three powerful influences:
1. Too many hours and years of training, recovery, race and preparation for a rare (if ever) win.
2. Too much time alone in the helmet being honked and spit at by cars.
3. Subconscious recognition that for most adult males, the sport (to the extent we participate in it) is a complete waste of time.
Over time, these things alone could drive an ordinary man insane. But their combined effect on a person who already has a prediliction to spend 20% of his adult life on a bike by himself or with a group of other like-minded people often leads to temporary acts of rage. Small emotional eruptions directed towards whomever may be in the way, whether dressed in lycra or not.
So check yaself before ya wreck yaself.
We’re all keyed up because we know the sport is lame and we’re all a bunch of beer-league-wanna-be-losers who get up at 4AM to fuel/poop/pump tires to ride out to the park to enter a race with 50 other losers only to sprint for 25th place in a race that pays out to 5 to a tune of $250 total at 6AM on a Sunday morning while our families/sig. others are off doing normal adult activities like brunch/newspaper reading/banging the neighbor while we are out and once we get back we’re attached to the laptop to see if Shen/MQ/Claudette has posted a photo of us where we are not exhaling so that it can be posted to a myspace/facebook/linkedin page for the world to see what we’re doing wasting our sleepytime early on our days off.
Wow, now that was an awesome run-on sentence.
yawn…
Someone needs a big hug.
i still eat brunch, read the newspaper, and bang the neighbor. and win races. what are you doing wrong?
Pre order you P4’s with Campy 11 speed, SRM and Zipp Sub9/1080 combo please.
applies to NYC racers only. Outside the big apple racers are much much more chill.
“Here’s a thought” has it right.
there is racing outside of the big apple?
it still beats golf
This argument applies to any if not all sports and activities.
for nyvelocity prickliness
for NYVC gassiness
You know what we haven’t had at a race in a while? A good old fashioned fist fight. Oh, boy. The beautiful sweet science — skinny guys clacking away in their SIDIs, swinging Giordana gloves…….
was there ever a fist fight at a CRCA club race? now that would be funny.
as for “dook douchey” and “here’s a thought,” you guys need to quit the sport and go do something that you believe is not a “complete waste of time.” if you think the sport is “lame” and cyclists are “losers” but you persist in spending your free time hanging out with losers and doing something lame, then i can see why you’re in a bad mood. do those of us who actually love the sport a favor: keep buying bikes, but quit riding them.
is so sad.
explain. why is it so sad not to hate the sport and be pissed off at the people who do hate it but keep showing up and doing it anyway and then complaining about how it’s such a shitty thing to do.
the kit’s fucking awful. it’s pathetic and reminds me why i stopped buying columbia years ago, because it’s lame. here we’ll support a pro team for millions of dollars just for advertising, and then we’ll blow the advertising. fuck!
I like the old school, low flash look of the Columbia kit. The black shorts are the best part.
the kit is kind of like their clothing. looks good enough, nothing fancy and gets the job done. when compared to other brands like burton or even quicksilver, their designs are a little pedestrian, like what dad would wear.
Maybe Mother Boyle approved those kits, you don’t want to mess with her.
rich as it is in quick digesting rices, pastas, muffins, energy shots and other high-gylcemic carbs, creates tons of gas.
The fact that we are mini methane refineries has no ill- bearing during racing. There is plenty of air-flow in the peloton and racers feel quite free to blow it out their ass with no embarrassment. Likewise, the racer finds a sordid sort of pleasure in solitary flatulence.
We seem to be a gassy bunch and the trouble starts, of course, once off the bike. Back at home with the family, while banging the neighbor, or at work — those relentless ass eruptions need to be tamped. Some serious sphincter squeezing has to take place just to keep even the little squeakers in check.
This all creates a lot of stress. Stress that none of our endless training equipped us to handle, stress we invariably take out on those around us in ways that we are not proud of, but nevertheless that ends up getting us branded as “edgyâ€.
overall cyclists arent that bad. athletes in other sports are regulary arrested for murder, assault, possession, dealing and leading dog-fighting related activity. yelling at each other (online or off), which is about as far as cycling grumpiness goes, hardly compares.
although that guy who went after the other with a 2×4 at a pro race last year was bit of out of line.
i doubt cyclists fart any more than anyone else. Probably less than your average overweight, sedentary, fast food eating alcoholic.
That Columbia kit is the pits. I saw those pics of Hincapie on that NYVC ride. He looked like he was dressed in Garanimals, the poor bastard.
Would you say he was wearing mix-n-match separates?
…really are Douchebags. As a triathlete I find that our little group of intense type-A athletes (“Try” Athlete’s, if you will) tend to not have the time to complain. We’re always trying to raise the game, raise the stakes through intense training and dialog with our coaches. Bettering our PR’s. When I’m rolling on the Queen’s Highway at Kona on my P4 (yeah, I have one) I tend not to think about berating my fellow man. I’m too focused, too intense, thinking about the road ahead.
Think positive man, think positive.
-Tri Guy OG
ps: I thought you were all talking about Columbia University’s cycling kit. Naturally I went to Princeton.
Race CX… there was a mash-up a few weeks ago at Wissahickon… Probably the influence of roadies infiltrating the sport and adding their edgy arrogance.
I’d say Hincapie had hippo and elephant separates
“I tend not to think about berating my fellow man”
Except when posting on the web, apparently.
No, just lack of bike handling skilz. Amazing how inept some fast road racers are when hit the dirt
we need to have a Coach L and Tri Guy catfight
winner gets a columbia mankini
I don’t like these impostor Tri Guys — they’re lame. Kind of like Clooney as Batman.
If the real Tri Guy is out there, consider this a signal over the sky
my bento box is bigger than yours. bring it on.
At the wayne scott B race (CX), there was the usual tangle in the first lap at some corner near the pits. some dudes went down-totally normal for cross. normally, racers get up and keep going. in this instance, however, one of the riders yelled something like “YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT, BITCH!” to another rider and punched him out. this happened right in the middle of the race with other guys around, including officials. totally messed up.
I determined whenever I am edgy on the bike it is due to the danger of it. I love and enjoy riding my bike thoroughly however I do what I need to do to keep myself safe while having a decent workout, however I do catch myself going overboard when it comes to expressing to people how unhappy I am with their unpredictable, carefree behavior. Our workouts are faster and more dangerous to ourselves and other innocent bystanders than many other sports, which I believe contributes most of the edginess that so many people see in us. I don’t believe inflated egos are inherent in the cycling crowd, however the generally egotistic nature of NYC inhabitants I am sure contributes a bit to our mentality, though it probably affects everyone in this city in a similar way. Most fellow exercisers in the park/pathways get yelled at by us becuase they act in some unpredictable way which creates a potentially dangerous situation. Our behavior I am sure pisses these people off, and we as cyclists could stand to take a few explitives out of our vocabulary when dealing with these innocent people. Since our reputations precede us, these incidents only cause us to feed into the stereotype of a asshole A type cyclist, by thinking we have the right of way at any given time, which is how I act as well when I am on the road, but upon deeper thought it is not fair to the people we interact with on the road. We should be more respectful to fellow pedestrians who don’t necessarily mean to cause a dangerous situation.
People from Philly like to fight
you want it wit or witout?
If I reach into my Bento Box of Pain, you’re all gonna get F*cked up. And to the other poster about “berating my fellow man”, piss off. I don’t do that. Tri Guy OG doesn’t have time to tell you that you suck as a rider. Also, tell me? Who’s an imposter & who’s real tough guy? No time for you douchebags, I need to go swim laps.
I like the idea of the Columbia University mankini. Sounds hot, but I’d never send my kid there. Too many hippies.
Tri-Guy OG
Again, not the original Tri-Guy. Weak. Worse than Clooney Batman. Val Kilmer Batman.
Check the records. What other Tri-Guy has a platinum plated Cervelo P4 and can rock along at 19mph while fighting the Kona winds on the Queen Highway? None other than the Tri-Guy OG.
Now go back to sleep and get your precious “recovery” while I run 20K.
-Tri Guy OG
ps: remember the “OG” stands for Original Gangsta
CCX gi meets Tri gi and have MtnBik gi who meets Road gal and have track boo and meets bmx rat that becomes fixed bum then messenger douche that melds into commuter booster and has tandem-trailer-puppy freaks and so on…
puh leeze move on to the serious bike racing journal and document of record that is TOTO!
But Batman comparisons? Val Kilmer vs George Clooney?
Do you find yourself saying this a lot: “MOM, WHERE’S THE F*CKIN’ MEATLOAF”!!???
Just wondering?
-Tri-Guy OG
adam west vs christian bale
“MOM!!! MY SHEETS ARE DIRTY”!!!
Maybe you bike nerds could take it up a notch and talk Star Wars?
I can relate to Bale in American Psycho, but not this other crap.
Tri-Guy OG
Again, you’re a tedious hack version of Tri Guy. Your sense of humor is nowhere near as deft and studied. You should have a show on CBS. Tri Guy, on the other hand, is HBO
Please come back Tri Guy…….
http://www.majhost.com/gallery/Osenda/Signitures/batman_vs_shark.gif
Hello everyone,
There seems to be some confusion about who is the real Tri Guy and who is the impostor. Let me assure you the real Tri Guy has not been posting on nyvelocity.com. I’ve been with him in the tunnel for the past week in San Diego, working with Hed and Test and doing some refinements. As you can imagine, the new P4 means some position alterations are necessary, but looking at the preliminary data it’s clear that we could reduce drag in double digits for 2009, at which point, all I can say is, look out, Silvermine. Meanwhile, Hed is cooking up discs that actually cause negative drag – if you ever see the data I’ve seen, you will want to spend whatever means necessary.
Elsewhere, my coaching candidates are, per usual this time of year, mixing off-the-bike work with road training. They all got a “day off” for Obama’s victory – 90 minutes in Zone 2, and one dessert (optional) – but then it was back to business. I have to tell you I’ve taken a decidedly old school tack for this off season; you’ve probably seen some of my guys in the park, working with Russian kettle bells. Stair climbing is a must, and we’ve even taken to chasing the occasional barn animal. Trust me, you have never laughed harder than I did after seeing a pair of 129 lb espoirs chase a chicken the other day. And I’ve had some laughs in this business, believe me. I was at that Kona years ago where they ran out of flax seed.
I hope all of you have begun your preparations for the 2009 campaign. If you are not already mixing Zone 3 with Zone 2 you are not completely in trouble, but you are running out of time. This is free advice: please do not while away November and December on L.S.D., and let the Friel collect dust in the bottom of your bookshelf. Most of my Cat. 4 to 3 candidates have already dialed in Alpine to 5:45 or better and they will be a menace in the early races. My clients are all good people – I don’t get that business about bike racers being prickly, seems like gossip to sell ads for cheap Spiuk helmets—but as far as Battenkill 09 goes, consider yourself politely warned.
Coach L
i like the idea that all the fictional nyvelo personalities hang out together
i like lsd miles. they’re surreal.
You’re right, Tri guy is a shell of his former self with the economy & all, but with hard work & positive thinking I will rise again. On to the bike segment of the day. At least 100K in the rain, it is November after all:)
I’ll also work on my humor, thanks for the feedback, now go watch Batman Returns for the 16th time. Your Mom said she’ll be home soon to make you lunch.
-Tri-Guy OG
Who is he? I’d like to buy his company.
-Tri-Guy OG
Tri-Guy O.G., after finishing a delicious homemade risotto washed down with some Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby and a high-calorie packed home brew on the couch last night, my mind (naturally) turned to how chicken-chasing and the old skool methods might not be the ultimate training technique for you next year at Kona. I decided after a brief internal debate over lunch today that I wanted to publicly share my ruminations with you on how to best prepare to blast away on that grey-baked tarmac on the Northern side of Kona in peak athletic fashion next October. Let me keep it short however because I don’t want to give away all the arrows in my densly packed quiver.
On the most basic level, I know that you are studying your October Kona results with sincere intensity and I think at this point in your annual training cycle, unlimited laps in DeNunzio Pool are not the optimal method to get you through the proverbial bell curve of athletic training to reach peak form on October 10, 2009. But let me share an ancient method that I have discovered which, if you practice each night, right before sleeping, will reap you unheard of dividends in athletic performance over the next 10 months and twenty-odd days. This technique is valled “visualization”, or as it is referred to in its original Swahili warrior dialiect: “Ninatokea Japani. Nipo hapa kwa matembezi.”
Visualization has also been called guided imagery, mental rehearsal, mediation, and a variety of other things — no matter the term, the basic techniques and concepts are the same. Generally speaking, visualization is the process of creating a mental image or intention of what you want to happen or feel.
An athlete can use this technique to ‘intend’ an outcome of a race or training session, or simply to rest in a relaxed feeling of calm and well-being. By imagining a scene, complete with images of a previous best performance or a future desired outcome, the athlete is instructed to simply ‘step into’ that feeling. While imagining these scenarios, the athlete should try to imagine the detail and the way it feels to perform in the desired way.
These scenarios can include any of the senses. They can be visual (images and pictures), kinesthetic (how the body feels), or auditory (the roar of the crowd, or in your case, meditative breathing and the crisp hiss of rocking tires on the hot Kona pavement). Using the mind, an athlete can call up these images over and over, enhancing the skill through repetition or rehearsal, similar to physical practice.
With mental rehearsal, minds and bodies become trained to actually perform the skill imagined.
Now with those heavy moments recorded, or dare I say “scorched” in your mind from this past October 11 on Kona’s dark side, I invite you to play the DVD over repeatedly in your mind for at least ten minutes beginning today and then increasing to one to two hours incrementally over the next 11 months.
Then come see me next October 12, after you’ve cut your Kona time in half, and we can move on to stage 2 of the intense training, and life-changing mantra, that I teach all of my student athletes.
Over and out for now and catch you poolside sometime,
Coach L
meets the president
http://www.mikefriedman.missingsaddle.com/2008/11/11/the-rose-garden-affair/
possibly different swahili dialects, but i coulda sworn you just said you were from japan and were here on vacation…
Didn’t read. Too long – not funny.
For now on, I too shall be adressed as Tri-Guy OS
–Tri-Guy OS