Mike Creed is a professional bike racer who we occasionally pester with questions. He rides for Rock Racing, and I can only guess that the PR person working there hasn’t Googled his name recently and found his interviews here.

schmalz As someone who’s had the, um, pleasure of being fired, how does the process go? Is there a letter the team sends? Do they fax you? Is there some sort of ceremony were they take your bike and kit away?

 

Creed I’ve got shown the bricks twice. I would say that it starts with going to races that you don’t like or preform well at. Emails will not come, or be returned. Equipment on your bike gets worse, and finally, you get a phone call. Or in one instance I was told to call him by him via text, so he could fire me. Even then it was kind of funny.

 

schmalz I’ve always been fascinated by the way bike teams work, because unlike football or baseball teams, bike racers don’t always live in the same place. For instance, if you get drafted by the the Pittsburgh Steelers, you move to Pittsburgh and live there, and hang out with your teammates at practice and strip clubs and such. But bike racers sometimes assemble just for races, there isn’t as much quality time spent together. Do you think bike teams are less cohesive than teams in other sports? Does it matter?

 

It’s funny to think that careful observers can probably tell who’s going to get the ax next by noticing that a racer is suddenly riding a bike with Shimano 9-speed components and Biopace chainrings.

 

Your current bike doesn’t have toes clips on it, does it? I would hate to think you may be on the chopping block…

 

Creed We spend a lot of time together on the road and team camp. I would bet we spend more time together than some football teams. I doubt those guys hang out much outside training and games. Well, at least I wouldn’t hang out with anyone if I had a 15 million dollar mansion. Maybe I’m wrong, I am a lot. The cohesiveness really starts from the top down. With the riders being fairly close to the bottom. If the staff and management are in chaos, then so will the rest of the team. As far as riders not mixing in well or being team players. That would be more to do with the rider and I wouldn’t want to blame it on the rider’s poor hometown. Unless you live in boulder, then you’re bound to think you’re better than anyone else. 

 

schmalz Why is it that certain towns attract bike racers? Is it the training? Is it the all you can eat buffets? Why did you choose to live where you live?

 

Creed Look, we can’t all live in Jersey OK? Some of “normies” as I hear you call us, live either where our parents located themselves or they follow hype and move to a expensive town where you can spend your whole paycheck on rent; have the nearest airport 60 miles away; live with left wing fascists and have to keep when your training secret so you can train in peace. Which is what seems 50% of the US peloton seems to have done. But I forgot you don’t follow US cycling, so you wouldn’t know.

 

schmalz Firstly, we have very high standards here in Jersey, I’m not sure you could pass the aptitude exam – how’s your knowledge of Bon Jovi?

 

I would follow US cycling, but I simply cannot travel to every four corner crit in the continental US. They do have this thing called television, and you see it enables people who aren’t actually at an event to view it….

 

Keep your training “secret”? Are you implying that there are Creed groupies following you out on the roads?

 

Creed Well no, because I don’t live in this town, and I don’t train, so I don’t have keep any secrets. Yeah, Jersey… Sweet. I saw “Jersey Girl”, if the movie is anything like the town. I bet it rules. 

 

schmalz Are there riders who do have groupies? If so, who has the most? It’s Pate isn’t it?

 

Creed Some cyclist have groupies that find a way to corner a cyclist in a van under the guise of giving them a ride to their hotel. Then they pose as a journalist so they can ask fan boy questions without feeling too gay. BOOM! gotcha. But I think you meant girl groupies, I think GH has the most. He has husbands offering up their wives, and I don’t think the wives mind. 

 

schmalz  Hey, George knew the risks going in. How does the fan attention in Europe compare to the fan attention in the US? You do remember being in Europe, no?

 

Creed Europe… Europe… It’s the place where they dont speak American, right? The fans in euro land are normally a bit more calm. They clap and all, but they dont lose their shit like they do in the States. I like my Americans.  Although fans in Europe may know a bit more about the racers, more so if their from the same country. Unlike fans in America, who can run a cycling website and claim to not know any American cyclists because they’re not on TV. 

 

schmalz Now what kind of clueless fool would run a site like that? Wait – you’re telling me they run bike races in the United States!? Do they run them between laps at NASCAR races?

 

Creed They might be confused for group rides that Rory Sutherland gets bored with and rides away from in contempt. I think they should have NASCAR rules in stages races. If you get enough points you dont have to do the next stage you can take a provisional. 

 

schmalz I do agree that the world would be a better place if everything went according to NASCAR rules, I am so tired of the tyranny of turning right!

 

Do you know which bikes your team will be riding next year? Have they thrown the dart at the board of bike brands at R&R headquarters yet?

 

Creed NASCAR would be better. If someone crashes we get yellow flagged, if it rains we sit out on the tarmac until it clears and if someone looks like shit we can black flag them. Bikes? dunno. I hear rumors, but it would be best to not tell such a bunch of gossips. We should bring Viner back, I always like a good Viner.

 

schmalz Bunch of gossips? Don’t worry – your secret would be safe with us! Did R&R ever ride Viners?

 

Creed No, I just day dream about Viners. All types of colors and sizes. Enough dick jokes for ya? I honestly don’t know what bikes it will be. And to be honest, it’s none of my business. Sure I’m interested like any professional in what equipment we will be ridding. But the choice is out of my hands, so I might as well not worry to much. I’m sure whatever it will be they’re going to be nice. Viners would be nice though.

 

schmalz OK, let’s wrap up this dignity-fest. I have as strong hunch that you own a SRM, what kind of wattages are you outputting these days? Especially when you are escaping from Rory Sutherland…

 

Creed I’ve been known to ride with a SRM. And with as much as I ride with it, its hard to say what my zones are. But when I TT or climb alone, I’m trying to stay above 400. Even more so in short TTs. If I average 390 to 400 in a TT I know I’ll be on the top 10. But I need to work on my position so I can eke out a few more seconds. In training, I don’t pay much attention to it unless I’m doing intervals which, again, I try and stay above 400 for as long as possible. Now that you made me think about it, I need a coach. I hear you know a good one?

 

schmalz I can be your coach! Ride a lot and ride hard – sometimes for a long time, sometimes for a short time. Drink enough that you can stand riding your bike a lot, but don’t drink so much that you can’t ride your bike a lot. Now you owe me $250 and I will expect $250 more on the first of every month.

 

Creed Wow, did you learn from Chris Carmichael?