Tour day schmalz stage 18

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Stage 18

Tour day schmalz index here

So stage 17 yesterday was pretty much the greatest stage of a bike race – ever. Lemond in 1989 was great, but it was a TT, where his opponents weren’t actively defending against him. It was on the last day for the win, but c’mon, Floyd was out for over 4 hours battling against everyone else in the race: Caisse d’ whatnot couldn’t catch him, T-Mobile got nuked, and CSC could only launch Sastre to gain back a couple of minutes. Truly epic, best sporting memory I may ever have, the 1980 Olympics hockey team notwithstanding. And now that the lanceaholics are gone, do you get the feeling that no one is really going to notice?

And what about Floyd’s recovery beer? He has a terrible day, feels bad for an hour after the stage, has a beer, and roars back to destroy on a ride that should be stitched on pillows in living rooms across the country. I’ve been on the recovery beer train for years now. Look for high performance lagers coming from everywhere. Gatorade is producing Power Braü as we speak.

Hell, I can ride a damn bike!

Classic transition stage today, you will read that phrase about 40 times today. Almost as much as you will read “schmalz is an idiot.”

Shots of the Phonak DS in the car from yesterday. He’s doing 2 for 1 matches all day, throwing out coffee mugs and tote bags like there’s no tomorrow.

Break away with 3:42 – Flecha and Briske there.

From Cadel Evans this morning:

“When Floyd went, I thought ‘what the hell is he doing?’ Tactically it seemed like the sensible thing to do, but I didn’t think he had the legs. Nobody did. He went so fast from the start he rode the whole peloton off his wheel.”

I expect a break of nobodies GC-wise to get up the road, but today is going to be a nervous day, not because of the GC, really, but for crashes, mishaps, etc. And at this point anything can happen. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Floyd’s bike crack in half, forcing him to make resin from roadside dirt and using the heat from Commesso rubbing his thighs together to weld his carbon frame back together. It can happen…

Floyd’s team gunned yesterday to start his breakaway, they went so hard in fact that Perdiguero had to abandon immediately afterwards. I’m not making that up.

Flecha is in the break – Toto had to be dropping a deuce in the weeds to have missed this move.

Saunier at the front, chasing. Toto right behind, burping.

Levi’ in the break also, he’s 22 minutes back in the GC. And his short program got very bad marks from the Chinese judge.

Saunier still chasing, if Toto can get across with Millar, I may have to wet myself.

Floyd interview, hilarious. He says guys in the peloton asked him not to go on the first climb. He said, “Go drink some Coke, because we’re doing it.” He called his shot! Are you kidding me?

Saunier will enjoy their Phonak tote bags tonight.

Commesso on the front – guns out, I regret we only have three days for the gun show left.

Break’s time is holding. It will be a while until anything happens.

Flecha hanging in, he can take a shot today, Freire’s dropped out.

They just interviewed some guy named Lance.

Calzati attacks, Flecha responds.

Levi misses it. Looks like they will get back together. Attacks are coming now. Isasi goes and Levi bridges up, adusting his sequins.

They have 27 seconds now. 48K to go. Googling sauchow.

McEwen goes to the front to keep the moto from pacing the Saunier’s. Paul just said McEwen rarely gets angry, he also claims sky is magenta.

Eki spot coming up. Ask about the mullet, ask about the mullet… They should have Eki do the Thor SMASH! voiceovers.

Levi still off the front by 20 seconds.

Ullrich fired:

Ullrich showed himself hurt by the process. “The termination from T-Mobile is not acceptable to me. I’m very disappointed that they didn’t inform me of this decision personally, but that the T-Mobile attorneys simply sent me a fax.

It’s been announced that Godefroot will be back as Vino’s manager. Maybe Jan and Grodie can get back together and make more magic together!

Levi and friend almost caught. Chasers letting them fry out there a little.

20K to go, hoping Flecha can get some here.

Oh yeah, Briske is here, too. Wonder how he’s feeling?

There’s a hand sling for the camera. Calzati showing some love there. His fine will be in the mail shortly. Oh, wait, he’s French.

Big move from Moreni to get to Scholz. Tosatto and Moreni trying to bridge.

Briske popped, Flecha still in it, Levi can sit in for a while and tighten his skates.

The three still up the road, strategy time!

They’re hopping on each other like it’s a family reunion in the Ozarks!

5K to go, the lead has 39 seconds.

Scholz might try to hop them. 3K to go. Quinziato chasing.

Scholz jumps, gets pulled back. He may have another in him. He needs to drop Tosatto.

@##=#<2,R>@##=#2K to go, Tosatto forces then to lead out. 1K banner, Sholz is boned.

Tosatto wins the stage for Quick-Step, the Boner kicks his TV.

Here comes the sprint for 16th, Robbie doesn’t have to bother.

Robbie doesn’t bother. The poor teams battle it out for 16th.

TT time tomorrow ! Have a beer, Floyd!

20 Comments

monkeyheart

I also enjoyed when OLN showed the remnents of the break trickling over the line while the peloton was detonated on the penultimate climb, and then when they could be bothered to back to the peloton, went to commercial as Basso was attacking Armstrong.

CorsairMac

Levis 502 Commercial

OK,…..first let me say I am in stitches about your commentary! SOOOO much better than the Paul/Phil show! So are you not getting the Levi’s 501 commercial they Also keep showing over and over and over and ………….coz I would LOVE to hear the Schmalz spin on That one!!!!

THOR WILL SMASH!!!!

schmalz

Dear CorsairMac,

“That’s why I’m eassssayy, I’m easy like Sunday Morning, yeah.”

This one isn’t the worst offender actually (there’s no talking – thank God). Although from now on whenever I hear that Commodores song, I will get the mental picture of some guy buffing his pants.

The worst spots have to be the Trek Lucky Seven ones. Don’t make those people act, for the love of God!!

Here’s the thing about commercials during the Tour, since we tune in every day, you have to make a lot of spots. The best way to do it would be to make a new commercial a day.

Take Nike for example, they could plant a smart ass in the crowd or in France or wherever with a camcorder and do a 60 second report on the stage or drunken Dutch fans or the devil or something every day. Then just put up their logo and a different product shot each day in each corner of the screen while the report goes on.

People won’t get a chance to hate the individual spots because they change every day, they may hate the series, but it all depends on who they have do the reports.

I would like to take this opportunity to volunteer my services to Nike. Are they listening? Send me to France, dammit!! I need free stuff!! I have two kids to put through school for the love of God!!

fda

it’s not even the commodores version of “easy”, it’s faith no more.

is it the french racers that suck or is it the teams? where’s ronan pensec when you need him?

schmalz

That’s a cover version? Way to put your mark on a song, Faith No More.

It’s France’s desperate search for a Tour winner that cracks these guys. They pile on too much pressure, it’s like they are Spanish or something.

I’m sure the French would even settle for Fignon at this point.

Frank the Tank

I have long been an advocate of performance or "sports" beers, and I’m so glad that Floyd has finally introduced the rest of the world to them. Performance beers fall into 2 categories – 1) beers for competitive drinking and 2) beers to be consumed while playing sports. For a competitive drinking situation, the domestic performance beers are your best bet. Coors light (technically water but found in the beer isle) can be shot gunned or funneled in volume and doesn’t leave the nasty aftertaste found in PBR or Natty Light. It’s low alcohol content also allows you to maintain a leg up on your competition. For playing sports, I would recommend a couple of European offerings. Both Peroni and Kronenberg has a crisp clean taste that can be consumed between shifts on a hockey bench or at halftime on the rugby pitch. A hard to find favorite is Karlsbrau, a German style beer made in Italy. I was introduced to Karlsbrau Mountain biking in Italy last summer. I was with several hard-drinking Englishman and plastic cup after plastic cup, the Karlsbrau kept us hydrated, and happy.

lee3

That whole thing about "earning" the jersey, had a little traction! Pereiro was basically Floyds rolling coat hanger and the Peleton knew it. I like his gutsy riding but he’s no Contador!

Nico

I once asked a guy to mix me a bottle with half beer and half coke for during a 100K TTT. I reached out for my feed and wound up with a can of Coors instead. Psscht, glug, aaahhh. The remaining miles were more pleasant that way.

Anonymous

Cadel has lots of reasons for why he’s not in first place (from Eurosport):

“For me, it was when the Astana team didn’t contribute to the pace of the chase over the Col de Peyresourde that I lost the Tour de France. Or perhaps it happened when Contador and Rasmussen worked together on the climbs that’s when I lost time too. It could have been on the Aubisque when I lost time on Leipheimer. Maybe it was a combination of many elements but what’s happened has happened and I’m content. I was depending on Caisse d’Epargne and Astana to help me chase the escape going into Loudenvielle but they weren’t interested and that’s why we lost 55 seconds to Contador. That’s what spoiled what is otherwise the best Tour I could have done.”

Baldwin

Casar’s textbook move around the concrete islands in the middle of the road actually has a name.

It’s called a ‘Demi-Freire’.

Really. Look it up. It’s on wikipedia!

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