Stage 16

Tour day schmalz index here

Galibier day today, followed with a HC climb and then finishing on a cat 1. Floyd didn’t look panicked at all yesterday. He even had Axel with him near the end of the race. The French say that Floyd is winning with a lack of panache, if you want French panache, look no further than Mr. Virenque, captain Panache – also captain pharmacy – if you believe sworn testimony.

Jake Gyllenhall was at the race yesterday with buddy Lance Armstrong, when asked who he thought would win, he said he didn’t like to predict. Lance has gotten to everybody! Floyd’s name must not be spoken! And you thought I was going to take a “Brokeback” swipe, didn’t you? Much too easy.

The Andreas Kloden explosion watch is in effect. I just get the feeling that it’s going to happen. And doesn’t “The Andreas Kloden Explosion” sound like the name of a crappy prog rock band from the 70’s? I imagine then hitting the charts with a song named “Explore my pink shirt.”

Three away on the Galibier, Razzy is up there looking for polka dot points.

Lance is in the Disco car today, Floyd falls back to show him his ass.

The Galibier climb is 43K long, dear lord. That’s the distance from Dubuque to Maquoketa, Iowa. Book your travel plans early!

Phonak at the front, Floyd has five teammates in front of him. Pack at 4:20. This is going to one of those endless stages where Phil and Paul get loopy from talking for four hours, that’s where your “suitcases of courage” come from. It’s also where you start getting 80s Frisbee-head music references.

Popo in the chase group, but more importantly, Commesso is in there also. Did you buy tickets to the gun show? Toto’s at the ass end of the chase group, climbing like a grunting tapir.

Razzy and company are almost to the top, if Toto can get over with the chase group, we’re in for a show, so many wheels to follow!

Razzy gets away for the polka points. Toto may be jumping behind, anxious to get to the feed zone.

Pack near the summit. German spectators blistering from the sun at the summit.

Crash on the descent, not serious looking, but one of Floyd’s guys involved. Not a great place to go off the road, with sheer cliffs and all.

Frank Schleck is 6’1” and 148 lbs. Thor’s hands weigh that much.

Popo trying to get across to the three leaders, Lance is talking into the team radio. “You need to win today, I came all the way over to France, and I’ll be damned if I came to watch some skinny Dutchman sweating, I could’ve gone to Orlando and seen that.”

381 watt average up the Galibier, which gives Razzy a 40 watt per kilo average.

No shots of the chase group, robbing us of the opportunity to see Commesso sweat like he’s in a Danish Disco doing the “running man.”

Not much has changed in the race situation, a Hummer interview with George. George mentions Floyd! He will have to pay a fine, but I’m sure it was worth it.

79K to go, Razzy still away, he’s going to be tired tonight and he has to do algebra homework tonight, too!

Apparently the French papers don’t like that way Floyd is winning the jersey. They dislike his lack of panache or “un-Frenchness” let’s say, which means he wins races.

Frankie interviews Levi. Nothing was learned.

On the second climb of the day, Casar looking cooked, chase about to be caught. Toto restored to normal position at race’s behind.

Wait, Toto jumps the chase! Phil describes Toto as “not a man for the mountains.” Remind me to have Phil write my epitaph.

Popo dropped from the chase by Toto’s mighty move. He hears a murmur in his earpiece – something about “coffee being for closers.”

Razzy pops Valjavec on the climb. The chicken is on his own.

CSC now at the front, taking a shot at Floyd. Popo dropped from the main field. His employee of the week plaque is in jeopardy.

Has Toto been caught? Where’s the gun show?

Levi attacks, there’s about 63K to go, I think the run up to the last climb will catch a lot of guys, especially if they folow Toto with his “gravity advantage.”

Moreau suffering at the back, shock and amazement all around.

Floyd alone at the front. His teammates all taking their milk carton photos behind.

Levi prancing off the front.

Axel back up to Floyd.

This from procycling.com:

“I only regret that the context of the programme hasn’t been correctly reported in Europe,” he said. Armstrong’s comments had been made as he hosted the ESPY sports awards in Los Angeles, where he also made a number of cracks at his own expense.

“I must made done 10 or 12 humorous comments. I made jokes about myself and about France. People love jokes about France… A French paper had a headline on it saying ‘Welcome to France, asshole’, and I loved that,” said Armstrong, who said at the ESPY event that “the French football team have tested positive… for being assholes”.

France, funny “weird” not funny “ha ha.”

McEwen said that he would do a wheelie over the finish line at Alpe d’ Huez, I wonder if he did it.

Levi catching Casar, he’s up by two minutes. Floyd at the back of the group. Axel trying to get back to the group.

Razzy gets the polka dot jersey and begins his descent, delivering papers along the way.

Levi putting in about 4 minutes on the pack. I get the feeling that someone is going to have an incident on these descents.

The pack is over the climb, they will attack Floyd on the last climb, but I think he will be able to walk it off.

Levi descending, going conservatively, you don’t want to soil light blue shorts.

Little move goes off the front of the pack – not as exciting as it sounds.

OLN is going into its 30 seconds of race, 2 minutes of commercials stretch of the stage.

Razzy is 5’9” 132 lbs. Insert “snarky Commesso is a large fellow comment here.”

Caisse d’Epargne pushing with T-Mobile at the front, trying to crack Kloden.

Floyd looking mellow, in fact if he were any mellower, he’d be fishing.

Levi at 5 minutes or so – will Levi get another second place today?

Razzy asks the DS in the team car if he will buy a beer for him if he wins. He forgot his fake ID.

Razzy almost bites it on a turn. Levi and friend gaining on Razzy.

This descent will be a chamois soiler.

Axel goes to the front for Floyd, soon he will be watching Floyd’s butt again.

Levi lets Valjavec go as to not have a Beloki-type incident happen.

Lance mentions Floyd on procycling.com:

Clearly keen to play down talk of an ongoing rift with the Tour’s current leader, Armstrong said that he wasn’t surprised by his ex-US Postal lieutenant’s performances. “Floyd is riding great, but then he’s been riding great all season. He has two minutes over the next best guy, so if I was a betting man I’d put my money on Floyd,” Armstrong said.

And then shares some more love

“Floyd and I have had our ups and downs,” he continued. “We’ve had our discussions, but I don’ t think that the relationship was ever as bad as people thought…I’d love to see an American keep the jersey in the States.”

Asked if Landis’s victory would be devalued by the absence of last year’s top five finishers, Armstrong admitted that “there will an asterisk by the name of the 2006 Tour champion, but I hate to say that”. He stressed, though, that “whoever stands on the top step of the podium in Paris will have trained their tail off and be a worthy winner.”

And even more love:

Later in the evening, a relaxed-looking Armstrong and Donnie Darko and Brokeback Mountain star Jake Gyllenhaal joined the clubbers, including procycling’s editorial team, at the Igloo, an establishment the American would certainly not have visited on his previous Tour-related visits to the resort.

Biting tongue, don’t want to get sued…

Razzy on the final climb, 4:31 to Levi and about 2 minutes to the pack. No way Levi catches the chicken.

Love those race radios, from VDV on Velonews.com:

Yesterday, he was also in the escape at the beginning of the race, both actually, where he was given orders not to work. George, who was in the same break, asked him why he wasn’t working and Jens responded by pointing to his radio and voicing his opinion of how frustrated he was not to be working, like a caged animal.

Everyone on the hill, Axel at the front with Boogerd, who is pulling Menchov on roller blades.

Phil surprised Moreau has gone so early on this climb. I think Phil could just record the phrase “Moreau has been dropped”, and play it as they get to the climbs to get it out of the way.

Is The Andreas Kloden Explosion tuning up?

Rogers at the front. T-Mobile guys popping.

Menchov goes. Evans goes. Pereiro goes. Floyd not reacting yet. T-Mobile chasing down Rogers, savvy move, that one.

Rogers composing his resume, “Dear Bjarne…”

@##=#<1,L>@##=#Razzy has popped out his earpiece, “free range chicken?”

Rogers gets to keep pace at the front of the race. MOREAU IS NEXT TO FLOYD! Tenth place awaits, suckers!

Sastre goes. Floyd popping. T-Mobile goes to the front.

Sastre down by 2:17, everyone jumping at the front. Floyd needs to get it together. Lance radios Acevedo to taunt Floyd.

Moreau dropping Floyd – that sentence is making my keyboard smoke.

Levi and Floyd have switched bodies!

Sastre getting about 2 minutes on Floyd so far. Floyd and the Blow-up Boys will now be the opening band for The Andreas Kloden Explosion.

The Phonak guys will be lucky as Floyd will be too tired to smack them at dinner tonight.

Razzy pedaling like a broken sewing machine.

Floyd getting passed, too depressing…

Sastre drops Levi. It’s almost time for T-Mobile to start attacking each other.

Moreau still with the contenders on the climb, computer almost exploding.

Pereiro will get the yellow back. Interesting Tour as everybody is trading explosions in the mountains.

Kloden pushing. Pereiro holding on – panache! There, are you happy, France?

Menchov blowing up. Mr. “I didn’t blow up on Alpe d’ Huez” is not blowing up again.

1.7K to go this is taking forever.

Floyd at 9:25, dropping like a sack of frozen sewage. The Mennonite community would weep, but they have no idea where France is.

Razzy wins. Sastre second. The Floyd death watch begins.

Moreau pushing for Dessel. Pereiro gets the 3rd place 8 second time bonus.

Ooh, this time check is going to be ugly. Levi finishes and is escorted to the crying booth.

Menchov and Kloden finish together.

Axel has found Floyd and is pulling him. The rest of the Phonak team starts the climb of the Galibier.

Floyd really suffering, guaranteeing that France will now love him.

Axel brings Floyd home. Floyd finishes, Lance and the other cool kids try to stuff him in his locker.

Floyd in at 10:04. Let’s se if Floyd gets interviewed. I’m sure he wants to chat.

Floyd at 11th at 8:08. MOREAU IS EIGHTH!