Stage 8

Tour day schmalz index here

The day after the TT, just looks like just Floyd standing. Maybe guys were saving it for the mountains? Or they just stunk up the place. Seems that every time Julich really pushes in a Tour TT, he lands on his ass. I don’t see T-Mobile working for Gonchar; they have to get Kloden into third place after all.

Frankie interviewing Julich at the hospital. With his glasses on, Julich looks like Bill Gates reflected in a fun house “skinny” mirror. Let’s just fast forward to the Lemond “I hate Hinault” spot.

Thor SMASH could be due a win today, seems like a Boner day though. Phil Anderson is the Australian Lemond, except less bitter.

Enough, let’s fast forward to the stage, I have a nap to take. Briske in the break, so it could have hope, I wonder if the French guys in the break will suck wheel?

Phonak is chasing, let’s see how well Floyd’s team can handle a race. My guess is “not well.”

Frankie with Levi. “Levi, why did you suck?” Levi, “I had a stomach ache and my skates weren’t sharp.”

Phonak on the front, T-Mobile not helping as Kessler’s up front, if Gonchar were French he’d be in tears, but he’s Ukrainian, so he’ probably grunting.

Another Lance spot, they might be running out of things for him to pontificate on. Tomorrow will be Lance reading is grocery list. Brought to you by Nike.

Levi can’t explain his poor performance. Doesn’t he have a bad day every year in the Tour? Hello? He has his “bad day” speech memorized.

The break still off the front, Briske is a real wild card in this one for two reasons: he can TT and he’s not French.

Schmalz gets a ‘game worn’ chamois from Thor.

Saunier guy, Ruben Lobato, showing off for the camera, he can do the standing no hands trick also. Hat may be the last we ever see of him this Tour.

44k to go 3:54 for the break, FDJ at the front, who are they kidding?

Aerts gets the sprint money, looks like someone wants to buy an iPod! According to the myth, if he were Andy Hampsten, he wouldn’t split that money.

So the UCI finally got their act together and took a look at Floyd’s bike just before the TT? Where were they in March at the Tour of California? They had all year and they wait until just before the TT? After he even rode his position in the prologue? Lazy Europeans! Is it strange that I think modern life in Europe is like an extended “Mentos” commercial? It is – isn’t it? Just dancing around, popping mints? Sounds like fun.

Horner profile. Guess they don’t have any footage of when he had hair. It was a long time ago…

If I were doing the profiles, we would be doing the following:

Thor and his mama

Flecha

Commesso’s “gun’s”

VDV

Calzati goes off the break, Halgand attacks and no one goes with him as he’s pulled this crap before earlier in the week, being French an all.

Calzati is pedaling like a drunken marmot. Why’s he attacking the break so early, oh wait, he’s French. Hi mom!

The peloton suddenly remembers that there’s a race going on. Briske’s day over with about 20k to go. Enjoy the rest day! Have a Coors.

15k to go Calzati may stay away. The Boner has flatted. Um, that sounds a little dirty…

Calzati still away, the peloton agrees to not hurt his feelings by chasing.

I forget who’s in the chase group, is it Briske?

The apathy is palatable.

Calzati is on a tear! Check his French passport.

Briske is in the pack, who’s in the chase?

Gonchar stays in yellow. Let’s get a celebratory grunt!

The Ag2r director offers Calzati Moreau’s leadership position on the team. Moreau calls a press conference on the road to burst into tears.

If Calzati wins, that will be two French stage wins this year. Two more than anticipated.

Calzati wins! He holds up a card of some sort. Perhaps his Spanish driver’s license?

Halgand and friend didn’t catch Calzati. Halgand hopes for the Liquigas rider to come around – not likely.

McEwen gets the field sprint for the green jersey points. Thor not to be found – SMASH!