Stage 5

Tour day schmalz index here

In an ongoing travesty of justice, Thor SMASH! has been relegated for a irregular sprint. It happened not in the final sprint, but in the lead-up. The incident happened just as Thor’s (SMASH!) teammate Julian Dean fell while looking over for Odin’s Son to come through. I have been going overt the tape like it was the Zapruder Film and here’s the story. Thor was parallel to FDJ’s Bernhard Eisel along the barriers as Dean pulled off and then fell. Thor went towards the barriers but not in a terribly jerky manner, and then gave Eisel a little shoulder. Argy Bargy, but not a felony by any means. The big problem came when they both came towards the open gap in the barriers. Seems that the Tour organizers left a large hole in the barriers (probably to get team cars off the road) but the barriers weren’t parallel, so the barriers they passed weren’t even with the barriers on the other side of the hole. Surprise! Eisel gave some shoulder to Thor (SMASH!) and just eeked by the barrier.

Fast forward to the relegation. Seems that the Tour organization (Leblanc) wasn’t getting enough attention and they decided pop out of their Peugeot gopher hole and relegate our favorite Norwegian – even without a protest from Eisel. Here’s the quote from cyclingnews:

Later it was announced that Hushovd was relegated for cutting Eisel off, Eisel noted that he had not protested the Norwegian’s actions. “A fine is ok. He can afford it. Thor Hushovd is fighting for the green jersey. I don’t want him to have any problems or lose any points because of me. So that’s why I didn’t protest,” he told Cyclingnews. But Hushovd did lose his position in the end, and a valuable 24 points.

Article 1: Hushovd v Schmalz restraining order.

Seems like Leblanc wants to go out with a bang. Expect more relegations to come. News of Thor-gate will follow as we get it. And yes, I did just devote about 300 words to Thor shoulder bumping with an Austrian – SMASH!

I came in 7 minutes late on the coverage, so here’s the 1986 Tour recap with a 7-eleven profile. Once again – Alex Stieda is Canadian. Thank goodness we don’t have to watch Lemond go all bitter on us again.

Trautwig picks Thor SMASH! to win, but no in-depth about the relegation. OK, I may be the only person outside of the Hushovd camper van that is outraged about this. Wait, Phil agrees that the race organization was out of hand also.

Schroder and Dumoulin are away in a break. Lance used to bag on Dumoulin as a crash-hole, so let’s look for some fun action in the rain today.

Robbie talking about Thor’s relegation – SMASH! Thor still has an outside chance at green, but it’ll be tough. Thor does know how to SMASH!, though

OLN’s Ks to go graphic has been fixed, I will now take credit for that. I also will now take credit for the internet – bite me, Gore!

Let’s throw in a Thor SMASH! quote, “Leblanc is not understand the SMASHING! The SMASH needs room to grow and prosper. The other riders, they bounce off of the SMASH! It is not intentional; it is the nature of the SMASH!”

Is there anything less essential than the polka dot jersey sprints in the first week? Color me unconscious.

Lance claims that the public loved the TTT, not this member of the public. But it was comical to see the climbers on their tiny little TT bikes trying to hold last position. Those bikes are so cute!

Dumoulin is taking all the bonuses along with all the cash, maybe Milram feels sorry for Ag2R and they’re letting them get some cash – so they don’t owe money at the end of the Tour. Oh, wait they do get to share Moreau’s 10th place money…

Bruyneel interview – seems that they will choose a leader as the Tour goes on. Multiple leaders – the old Grodefort plan. That’ll work well (there’s some quality irony there). I hope they have it worked out after Saturday’s TT.

Robbie’s teammate goes out to get the third place sprint points. Seems no one wants to sprint it out early today.

Everyone says how Robbie’s BMX skillz have come in handy. My question is: how come there aren’t more racers doing BMX to improve their skillz. I would give it a try, plus I could work on my table top!

A Spanish rider falls – shocker! Looks like Saunier Duval needs some BX lessons.

Eki at 160 watts. Hey, I can do that! I can ride the Tour!

Bradley Wiggins on yesterday’s break (from the procycling site:

Wiggins’ comments: “It was just showboating for TV from a typical frenchman [Lefevere]. He just sat there not pulling all day, but I knew we’d get caught anyway because the finish was too hard. I can understand why he did it but I thought we might wait until five km to go rather than jumping around at 10 to go.”

French fever! Catch it!

25k to go about 3 minutes to the break- they’re dead men.

Eki 402 watts at 69%, looks like I can’t do the Tour…

Martinez touches wheels and hits the deck. Demol goes old school Belgian and tells him to rub some dirt on it and walk it off.

12K to go 1:28, might be close, but I don’t see it happening Dumoulin is French, after all.

Toto at the front – still not sleeveless this Tour. Like cowbell, I gotta have more Toto!

How can the break stay away when they have Commesso chasing – well, they can’t. And is it just me or is Bennati the new Quaranta?

Looks like a sprint – SMASH time?

Miram goes to the front to screw up the lead out. Yes, I cut and pasted that phrase from every sprint stage so far.

Crash! But no one important.

Liquigas at the front along with Quick Step. Here’s a lot of Argy Bargy, Thor is trading head butts with a Gerolsteiner SMASH!

McEwen goes too early.

Freire just FLEW around a lead out rider pulling off and goes up the outside – getting a perfect wheel sweep. Nice skillz. The Boner gets surprised and can’t match his speed and Friere nails it perfectly at the line.