God almighty, what is going on? They’re going to have to call up riders from Superweek to just fill out the start list for the Tour. If I were a real journalist, I’d not run this, because everyone has been booted, but we all know I’m not a real journalist in any way, shape, or form. So I’m going to sound like an idiot here, well, more of an idiot. Riders currently booted marked with an OUT. Toto is movng up the GC as we speak.
From June 28th – before Leblanc booted everybody.
Before we start the Tour day schmalz this year, let’s get one thing out of the way. I am a middle category hack racer and I have no business commenting on these hardworking racers, but as this whole enterprise will make painfully clear – life isn’t fair. If you want loving butt kissing reports of sunflowers and fromage, dig up John Tesh. If you want a nutcase venting his spleen, look no further.
The Contenders
Jan Ullrich – OUT
I am now imploring the world to jump off of Jan Ullrich’s ass. Enough about how he doesn’t work hard enough, enough fat jokes, enough “he’s not in top shape yet.†It’s just played out. The man has basically been a pro cyclist since he was twelve, and it’s not like he really had a choice. He was selected through the old East German sports system, and he was shuttled off to live the sporting life so his family could get an extra $5 a year and a nice refurbished refrigerator for their living box. Forgive him if he’s not excited when he has to get up at the crack of dawn to train in the rain in some Godforsaken area of Belgium. He’s human – shocker!
That being said. He’s got his boy Rudy back, and the last time they conspired together they came one slide-out away from ripping the yellow shirt off of Lance’s back. Grodefort is gone, and that ends the reign of the least effective DS of a Pro Tour team ever. Just think of all the careers he stalled or ended under his tutelage. Bjarne Riis has basically set up a Telekom rehab outfit at CSC for Grodefort’s cast offs. That seems to be working out well.
Jan’s Giro TT and his ride at the Swiss have other contenders shaking. Plus this Tour is about half TT, so he has that going for him…
Ivan Basso – OUT
CSC will take a page out of Disco’s guide to Tour winning, and try to ride the corporate style. Zzzzzzzzzzz.
Ivan may a little tuckered out from the Giro, but let’s be honest, it didn’t really look like he broke a heavy sweat winning the Giro.
Hills are for Ivan, TTs are for Jan.
Floyd Landis
His TT position – there I said it, I’ll try to mention it as little as possible because it will be run into the ground during the Tour coverage. It works for him. It looks like he trying to block the “wax on, wax off†technique from 8 year old brown belts, but it works – so it’ll probably be banned by the UCI the day before the Tour starts.
Floyd will be looking around on every hard part of the race and will be saying, “Guys? Guys? Anyone still here?†Hard to win a Tour that way.
Vino – OUT
As of now, Liberty Seguros-Wurth/Saiz Inc. has been cleared to participate in he Tour, but without Captain Venga to cheer them on. It might be a nice break for all of the riders to not hear that familiar voice in their ear buds admonishing then to attack – like Vino needs to be told to attack. And attack he will.
Valverde
“I’m putting him here just to try and sound smart; no one knows what he’s capable of.†That’s a cut and paste from last year. This preview stuff is just easy.
Will he compete? Will he dominate? Will he get the runs in the third week? No one knows. But let me say this to everyone at the Tour– stay away from the fish at the hotel! I cannot emphasize this enough. It’s the most important three weeks of the cycling year; you can forgo the dodgy sea bass that’s been over the Sterno for four hours for cryin’ out loud! The only fish anyone should eat should come from Thor’s mama’s camper van.
George Hincapie
Johann Bruyneel has been quoted saying that a top 5 might be realistic for George in the Tour. That’s quite a departure from the “We go to the Tour to win†attitude of years past. If George were to win the Tour this year, it would be magic, plain and simple – and you know what I love magic! Give me a little Doug Henning here! If George wins it will be like the 1969 Mets. You gotta believe! Now we just have to find out if George has a little Ed Kranepool in him.
And on a side note, Oakley absolutely got the better end of the deal when they signed George to wear their products. We all know of George’s stipulation to be buried in his Racing Jackets, but I can’t think of a better example of loyal between a personality and a product, except maybe between Charlton Heston and guns, or Boy George and illicit drugs – but that’s about it.
And if George wins it, we will celebrate old school style by overturning cars and burning stuff. I will be doing it in NJ, probably in Newark, but I don’t think it will seem like anything out of the ordinary is happening.
Levi
He won the Dauphine, so he should be included as a contender, but he always has a bad day in a three week tour. Sometimes it seems like Levi gets mentioned because no one wants to hurt his feelings. We might be inclined to think he’s sensitive because his team wears outfits rejected by the French Ice Dancing Institute because they weren’t “masculine enough.â€
Mancebo – OUT and Moreau
AG2R will have a wicked battle for tenth place going on between these two!
Jean-Marie Leblanc
This will allegedly be his last year at the helm and he wants to go out in a blaze of glory! Dropping teams! Trying to kick Vino’s team out! Threats of bans for Ullrich! Leblanc is in rare form. I expect a record number of fines and at least two sprint relegations. You will be sorely missed Jean-Marie! No one can fill your sun roof gopher hole!
The Cut and Paste crowd
Thor Hushovd
will continue the tradition of cutting and pasting THOR WILL SMASH! every moment our favorite Norwegian Sprint crusher appears onscreen. You will tire of it, but I shall never tire of the SMASHING!
Salvatore “Toto†Commesso
Toto is the spice in the Tour’s Bouillabaisse. Where would we be without him? He rolls his sleeves to show off the “gunsâ€, he tapes himself to Juan Antonio Flecha’s moves, he is of large carriage. Toto is pure comedy gold.
Juan Antonio Flecha
He is the Laurel to Toto’s Hardy, they make magic together. Commesso follows Flecha’s break attempts with the fury of a stalker ferreting through Jessica Alba’s trash.
Notable absences:
Franco Pellizotti
Known in the world of cut and paste as BAWM CHICKA BAWM BAWM for his curly stag film-type hair. Sales of NYVC pink shirt stock plummeted with the announcement of his non-participation.
Linus Gerdemann
He has taken over the mantle of “five-head†from Alexander Vinokourov. He bears a slight passing resemblance to Hillary Swank. I am sweating on my keyboard in anticipation of the day he participates in the Tour.
very good!!
Jesus (Manzano) F%^&& Christ!!!. Don’t they ever learn!!! Say it isn’t so Basso? Jan? There is no emoticon for what I am feeling right now!
The bright side:
My Favorite Menonite Floyd looks even more favoritier (Like the world cup soccer ball is now more "Roundier")
We know can remove Jan’s invite from the Turkey race knowing he legally can’t be near our sacred prize . (I know… no Jan jokes)
I’m joking right now to mask the sadness much like Hair re-growth formula masks doping products. Hve you noticed Ivan’s hair has been receding?
Seriously – It’s a sad day for the sport we love and I really hope this finally gets all the parties involved (UCI, IOC, WADA, The Professional riders assoc. and all the tour companies, ASO etc. together and do something about this to preserve cycling’s future.
P.S. I understand that a lot of other athletes (Like World cup soccer stars) have been implicated in the doping scandal. Where’s the news on this? Seems kind of one-sided to just go after cycling.
My two cents.
The biggest shock to me is that faber is up by 7:30
Hey if I was doped up to my eyeballs, I’d be training right now. "Respect my mediocratai".
Hey Schmalz – If you were a gambli’n man (and we all know you are with all the well written episodes of you’re failed breakaways)
Who you got?
Top contender – Floyd – lots of TT miles, his BM position will pay off
Faber, are you sad they got caught, or are so deluded that you thought they were all clean before you were presented with this "evidence".
Here’s the truth. THEY ALL DOPE. AND THEY ALL LIE ABOUT IT.
I’m sad that they wrecked this year’s race by removing the main protagonists, makes the show less interesting. Feels like Indy after the split from CART, what’s the point?
I say let’em all ride, let the best and strongest doper win.
"Here’s the truth. THEY ALL DOPE. AND THEY ALL LIE ABOUT IT."
Wrong, wrong, dead wrong. It’s just as stupid to assume that they all dope as it is to assume that no one dopes. What’s your proof? A "gut feeling" – c’mon.
Nearly cried when I hit Cyclingnews this morning.
First Jan out, then I read on and Basso is out….more more…
Maybe the French will finally find themselves back on the podium after all. But I guess Discovery will still be the machine to stop.
Vinokourov – someone needs to decide why they are suspending/banning teams, is it suspicion or linked ‘proof’?
If cycling is willing to do this to itself – it will be victimised in the press whilst other sports do nothing…
Chelsea can spin blood to their heart’s content
Duncan Mackay
Saturday June 25, 2005
The Guardian
Blood spinning, the controversial technique used by Chelsea last season, has been officially endorsed by UK Sport.
The government-funded agency, who administer drug testing on behalf of the Football Association, had advised players not to undergo the treatment amid fears it may breach anti-doping rules.
Among the Chelsea players to have received the treatment were the Dutch winger Arjen Robben and German centre-back Robert Huth.
But a meeting last week with Chelsea’s club doctor Bryan English has allayed UK Sport’s fears and an official statement is due to be released next week confirming the technique is not illegal.
The process involves taking a sample of the player’s blood, removing the platelets cells that assist the healing process and then injecting them back into the injured area. It is claimed to speed up recovery.
It was originally developed for use in major trauma injuries, such as in car accidents, but is increasingly being applied to sport.
English joined Chelsea from UK Athletics, where he had been credited with helping Kelly Holmes overcome injury to win the 800 and 1500 metres gold medals at the Olympics last year.
It was while working for UK Athletics that he first came across blood spinning when he learnt about it during a conference organised by the American College of Sports Medicine.
As it stands, cycling is one of the few (if any) sports willing to accept bans on it’s big winners and big stars – that is a good thing in a way. The drug suspension in MLB used to be (not sure if it still is) 10 days – oooh, 10 days! Scary!
Of course I can’t prove it, I can’t prove there’s no Santa Claus either. Blanket statement=exaggeration for dramatic effect. Unfortunately based in reality. It’s the opinion of those who have some connection with the top level of the sport (obviously, I have none) that there may be some clean riders riding the grand tours, but they are the bottom 25%. Sorry to be so cynical, but after all the recent evidence we’ve had about the pervasiveness of doping in professional sports, I’ll stick with my view that those finishing in top half of the GC just haven’t been caught yet.
What was in the report handed to the ASO that had them reacting like the principal on a drunken prom night? No one has tested positive, right? Well, except for Tyler and Roberto…Still, the day before he start?! Are the managers protecting cycling or the sponsors?!
Faber is right: world cup stars are being protected, cyclists (non-french ones) are being vilified.
Soooo, you have no proof, have no connection to the top level of the sport, and yet you still decide to piss over everybody in the sport with a big old blanket statement? That sounds like something I would do!
It’s my guess that they finally got the Guarda (sp?) evidence, instead of just the newspaper reports.
Yeah, the Guardia must have some damning evidence. But still…Spain is a constitutional democracy. No one is guilty (yet). A crime wasn’t even committed (they passed a law (somewhat) criminalizing selling doping products yestarday.
I’m just upset the favs are out.
Schmalz: the preview is great and that picture w/ the fire…what can I say?
Are you suspending anybody or anything from the Tour day Schmalz?
I will abuse my power with reckless abandon, I will order the promotional caravan to a stop while I visit the bathroom out of respect. I will command that deaprture cities make paper mache effigies of me that accentuate my manhood…
Agree with Littlefield: I’ll only qulaify it by saying "all Contenders" are clearly doped up. My evidence is that riders from every major team from every country from classics specilaists (Museauw) Grand tour riders ( Pantani, Tyler etc) world champions ( Millar) have admitted to doping or been caught. The connections between these riders and their doctors/advisors to many other teams and riders has been well established (Bjarne – see wikipedia for "mr 60% nickname" BTW, what is Frankie Andreau’s wife’s motivation to allege that Lance admitted to using drungs if he didn’t? Why say something like that against a super rich powerful vindictive guy like Lance if it aint true? – I say let them all ride on whatever stuff they want – since that is what has been going on unitl this year…
Newsflash from the Future: Commesso Wins!
http://vanderhoot.blogspot.com/2006/06/newsflash-commesso-wins-tdf.html
Toto’s mine!
If someone cops my THOR WILL SMASH! I’ll have to retire.
Frankie’s wife was subpoenaed. Not like she volunteered.
Subpoenaed…that’s not even a word.
Team spokesman Stefan Wagner said that the team had received documents from the ASO which made it "impossible" for the team to further work with the three. Wagner also confirmed that the team would take two of its reserve riders and would ride the Tour: Lorenzo Bernucci (Ita) and Stephan Schreck (Ger).
"We have only now gotten the evidence," said Wagner. "As soon as there were suspicions, we asked to see the files. We don’t know why we didn’t get them until today. The facts in the case contradict Ullrich’s claims of innocence so strongly that we had to take this step, in order to follow our goal of a clean sport."
You’re bothering to copy edit my comments! Are you drunk?
subpoena
One entry found for subpoena.
Main Entry: 2subpoena
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): -naed; -na
Say it soft, it’s like praying, say it loud, I hear music playing…."Subpoenaed", I just met a girl who got "subpoenaed".
Baldwin, where do you find your 8am happy hour at?
Hey Littlefield – I guess I was Just delusional I guess. Until the latest news about Hamilton and Puerto I still believed Hamilton was innocent. Live and Learn I guess.
Is it your belief Littlefied that "Disco" is just better at the cheating game and therefore that’s why they haven’t been caught yet?
Well, now that la Blanc has emilinated all the main guys maybe the French can finally win!
I perdict a frenchy to win.
Hey Frankie, I subpoenaed your wife last night!
Go France! Moreau! Voeckler! Chavanal! 7th! 21st! 14th!
Yes.
yes, she was "subpoenaed" and since everybody else in the room was toeing the Lance Lne it would not have been hard to lie or to say "i don’t recall" Frankie went on the record and said Lancer agreed to using drugs that day too.. I understand she was subpoened to corroberate Frankie’s claims…
Ansd yes faber, Disco was way more careful with their juicing program and yes that i why they didn’t get caught… why does lance train on an island off the coast of South Africa? Is ther no where else he can find? It would take a ot of planning for a WADA or UCI out of competition drug test to happen there wouldn’t it? In fact I think you need to charter aplane to get there… seems like a lot of trouble to me.. especially when you have asweet house in Spain clse to your doctor etcc…
Niko,
I love you man.
PL
west side story?
manolo saiz and the docs should be on chorus:
‘go man go, it’s not epo,
just keep the blood cool, boy, real cool’
Ok, fellows. If everyone is doped, that would mean everyone is cheating, right? My question is: why do you watch a sport where you are convinced everyone is cheating? Wouldn’t it just make you mad every time you turned it on?
if everyone’s cheating is it then a level playing field?
Yes, a level palying field. That is what I think too. I don’t think Lance got a "leg up" on the riders he faced in TDF if he was juiced – cus they were too.
They all have same info on drugs they all have enough resources for theit team leaders to juice – sh** we have local guys here with very little resources who used EPO…
Simoni " Basso was Extra-terrestrial" was really spot-on huh? Bye Bye Giro trophy Ivan –
Pro Football Dan?
Human beings get that big naturally right? I don’t care if they turn themselves into monsters, I still like watching football. Doesn’t make me mad.
Schmalz asks: "where do you find your 8am happy hour at?"
Nowhere else but Spring Lounge, Spring and Mulberry, open every morning but Sunday at 8am. Great for post-race, pre-work and Tour de France viewing. Bryan and Jay are very happy to accomodate all of us who are still interested in the Tour every day it’s on. See y’all there…
i actually don’t think it’s a level playing field…cheating at the top levels of a sport have a ripple effect on all ranks of that sport…pros dope to compete at their level, semi-pros dope to compete at the pro level, amateurs dope to win races in central park (that part’s a bit tongue-in-cheek) but bottom line is that it’s bad for the sport but it will probably always go on…it’s human nature to push the boundaries and try to get an "edge"
"Pro Football" To which I respond, "bass fishing". Not really a parallel example, you’re point is – you enjoy cheating, no matter which sport?
Miller / Zabriskie shootout for the prologue – Floyd / Levi / maybe Rasmussen, Rujano shootout for the podium steps.
This year was supposed to be the most interesting in 7 years and now things might potentially suck.
It was going to be a vacation, but if they’re seriously hurting for Tour riders, maybe I can help them out.
I love the Spring Street Lounge by the way. Great place for a daytime buzz…
"Rasmussen" "Rujano" Lee are you kidding? 110km of ITT=cooked chicken and mashed mighty mouse (is that his knickname Mighty mouse?). Floyd yes, Hincapie even, yes, Evans yes….
Rujano is not to shabby on the TT. Rasmussen may be able to limit severe losses if he can stay upright. The both of them are pretty much hands down THE best climbers in the race with one of them quoted as saying the climbs arent hard enough. Look for them to blitz the mtn stages like animals. The climbs this year arent easy either.
Menchov is the Rabobank team leader, remember him?
Hee, hee, that’s what I like about you guys. Like the Tour would really ban Ullrich and Basso! Where do you come up with this stuff.
I think I read that he (Menchov) was mentioned in the O.P. also yet he still races…..hmmm.
Newark reference = lame-o cheap shot.
Schmalz, you’re banned from Branch Brook!
Menchov not on any lists I’ve seen, Mancebo, yes, no menchov. Not Vino either…
Astan
was mentioned earlier, but it doesn’t look like he’s on the list anymore
was mentioned earlier, but it doesn’t look like he’s on the list anymore
CSC should hire Vino on the spot to replace Basso!
Else, I’ll end up in another scandalous podium…
Valverde, Menchov, Floyd and Acevado/Popo will fight for podium, no?
Iban "El Gallo" Mayo will beat Rassmussen and Rujano for stages. Garzelli has been quiet all year. What about Flecha? Toto needs him, right Schmalz?
This is all so sad.
Very right about Garzelli – he had a quiet confidant Romandy and Suisse.
Mancebo retiring? Guilty or just sick of it?
follow the money…it worked during the Watergate investigation
first, can’t wait to find out where all of the money came from to pay for all of this expensive alleged doping – that just might be the REAL story of this whole episode. According to the Tyler information from the case it cost over 40,000 Euros (around $50,000) for his program. that would be a large sum in cash for many riders as we know it is not the world’s best paying sport. easy for the big boys to fund out of their own pockets but for the middle/lower guys it could not have been easy to afford.
second, turning back the clock to Mr. Armstrong, why do we rarely hear about the $500,000+ Lance gave to the UCI and how one could expect them to be completely impartial about it with respect to drugs and Lance? this was raised by a UCI executive committee member in the past yet seems to have been completely swept under the rug. did i miss something or was this completely explained? in light of the numbers of riders involved in today’s scandal, their pedigrees, the lack of positive tests for said riders, and the sums of money sloshing around a sport that is not so rich, this rather large money link may warrant a second look. maybe i am being a cynic/player hater but can you imagine the stink that would be raised if we knew a mobster gave $$$ to a judge and said judge never found him guilty? could you imagine the noise if a major league baseball executive raised questions about Barry Bonds giving big $$$ and never testing positive? well, i guess in the political world they call such stuff "lobbying" and consider it all (most) above board.
Newark – cheap shot, pulleese!
Newark murder rate 29.9 per 100,000
NYC murder rate 7.4 per 100,000
Not even close!
Too bad for Vino. I wish T-Mobile could give him Jan’s spot….
This shit sucks. This sport is so freaking dirty. Even on a local level. DRIVES ME NUTS. If drugs are going to be used in this sport then I say at least make them all legal! I am convince that even after this episode, drugs will still be HUGE in this sport and all endurance sports. I am convinced of it. No other way exists. In order to compete at that level – you have to do the drugs! And yes, I agree, these riders that don’t make the top bread- guess what their SPONSORS or Managers are setting it up and paying for it. All they care about is winning. This BS that they want to have a clean team – don’t buy it. Liberty-Seguros pulled out – well they were going to leave anyways. They just made up an excuse.
If people think that alll the top riders a doping a lot, wouldn’t that suggest that amature riders could be doping a little?
My question is what is Amgen, the company that makes EPO doing about this stuff? If Amgen really wanted people only to be using their products for legal purposes they would be putting strict controls on who they sell to, and furthermore working with WADA to either improve testing or putting markers in their drugs so that testing could be easier and more accurate. They make themselves feel better by promoting cycling and putting up the image that they’re for a clean sport, while profiting off of selling drugs that will be abused. Tour of California was a good business decision. It must pay for itself.
Here’s some superfluous drug company info:
The makers, in this case Amgen sell to distributors who sell to direct outlets (mostly pharmacies), after they sell to distributors, companies have no control over where the drugs go.
I know this because at the distributor level there can be a lot of shenanigans – like fake drugs, watered down drugs, etc. So much so, they are thinking about a system to track drugs at the distributor level. To protect companies like Amgen (whose products get faked or watered down) and consumers. No system as of yet.
Change rules to max hematocrit and make drugs legal.
It’d be like NASCAR – only instead of restrictor plates it’d be restricted platelets.
ha ha ha hahahahaha
Amgen is not the only company making the EPO anymore. there are competitive products out there,
I am all for health tests rather than drug tests, you can never catch anyone anyway
these dudes are beyond epo anyway that is reserved for the winner of univest
Some interesting press reactions around the world – Australian press is starting to hype Cadel’s chances. Fox looking for all-USA podium: http://msn.foxsports.com/cycling/story/5746932
okay schmalz. its your big moment…Thor will SMASH!!!
Not a J? I’m still laughing! Exellent Smithers!
sorry to break it you all, but it’s true, TH
haha excellent observations…especially of hincapie and levi. my thoughts exactly
On the doping: UCI, WADA and IOC won’t ever get on the same page; nor will the governing bodies of ALL pro sports.
And not for nothin’, but part of Amgens profits come from the ‘shady side’. Somebodies paying for this stuff and part of that $$ trickles up.
Until all sport, amatuer and professional, set a clear no tolerance rule (1st offense 2 yr ban with no pay – all sports) AND all athletes are subjected to the same tests to insure fairness, this problem won’t go away.
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