We loved this post so much we’re giving it its own page. That, and we have nothing else going on today. We’re making changes to the site that should make most of you less grumpy, but in the meantime here’s a case for continued anonymity.
Log-ins would be nice. But then we’d have nothing to discuss. It would be like this:
Cranky: Hi JFT. How are you? How’s that saddle sore treatin you?
JFT: Oh hi. It’s not a really a saddle sore because the saddle didn’t cause it. It’s a minor abrasion on my taint caused by friction between the skin and synthetic microfibers in my chamois. So it’s more of a synthetic microfiber sore. But it’s not too bad this year, thanks for asking.
Cranky: Wow, that sounds like a saddle sore to me. You sure are a slave for detail.
JFT: Yes, I am. I read that’s one of the 46 habits of successful employees of successful people.
Chris M: Did someone say taint?
Everyone: NO. Go ride your bike.
M. Green: Have I mentioned that I have a hard on for Cat 4 women and I’m trying to arrange the fields so my friends can win and I look like a nice guy?
DJ: Come on Mike. You don’t need to do that. If they just worked with me I could get them to upgrade in like 30 seconds.
Bullwinkle: Hello everyone. My name is Phil and I’m from Vermont and i come in last a lot but find some comfort in making fun of you guys because you get so worked up about it. I’m also gay and have a crush on Reed A.
JFT: Welcome, Phil. And congrats for coming out of the NYVC closet.
Connor Sallee: Fuck you guys. I rule.
M. Green: I don’t know DJ, you coaches seem to be over emphasizing upgrading at the expense of race dynamics. And I could really use some, so would you mind budding out?
Alan Atwood: Whatever guys. The track rules and I’ll never let you hold Bear Mtn on the day before mother’s day because i hate all of your mothers and want them to suffer. It’s also the day of Sterling and my friends run Sterling so I don’t want to diss them. So eff your mother. Oh shit. This isn’t anonymous anymore! Um. Oh. Um. I was, um. Just kidding. Gotta go.
Dr. William O’Donnell: No worries Alan. I don’t even have a mother. I come from the Planet HC. Here’s my power file from the 12 x 30 minute AT intevals I just did. I rock.
WV Sycophant: Hey Will. You rock.
JFT: That power file doesn’t make much sense to me. Seems like you might do better if you rode a harder gear at a higher cadence.
Ugli: Hey there guys. Has anyone seen my bike? I lost it sprinting. I don’t know what happened to it. I was sprinting at Prospect and admiring my legs and the next thing i know I woke up in the hospital and my bike wasn’t anywhere to be found.
Bullwinkle (aka Phil): Your so hot Ugli. To bad you can’t sprint. Oh shit, this isn’t anonymous anymore!
Bunde: Are you guys still mad at me.
Bremer: yes. But I have a hot new girlfriend this year so who cares.
Cranky: You sure do, Alex. You sure do.
As you can see, it wouldn’t be much better with the logins. So let it be.
is cancelled.
Agreed, Empire rocks.
would not use the term Dr. when referring to themselves regarding hobbies such as amateur bicycle racing, only in professional or proper social settings. It’s okay now will little buddy, we all know you are a chiropractor and it makes us all extra impressed with your sandbagging.
Good Morning, JFT.
Empire….doing pretty good in Gila. That’s awesome news. Go get’tem Sherry!!!
I’ve read that that is a really hilly race and quite difficult to have success. Maybe Tour Of Virginia will be equally as successful I hope.
That’s huge
In light of the repeated use of the old standard put downs, I would propose perhaps some new terms of hostility (you don;t even need to go too “sweary”. Here are some new ones:
feline digestive remains
crotch hammer
piece of drifter vomit
squirrel rectal spasm
boxer crust
taint troll
anvil ass
rooster toucher
gerbil debater
(_____) blockage – fill in your favorite body cavity
here, I like “colon”
puss fusser
Se? it’s easy!
and I use my real name with sg no ka regularly
Pretty cool to be mentioned in VeloNews:
http://www.velonews.com/article/75666/wren-takes-stage-at-gila-vega-leads
http://www.nycc.org/mb/thread.aspx?b=1&t=11896&tp=21&c=(12)
on the NYCC message board under the pseudonom sg no ka.
He never said he was a medical doctor. There are all kinds of degrees which allow one to use Dr. before one’s name that are licensed by state regs including chiros, Ph.D.s, etc.
WAKE UP, Chiro’s are not MEDICAL DOCTORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
only an idiot would ride a bike without a helmet
your threads belong on the NYCC msg board- go argue with some sycophantic 50 yr old A-sig rider that wears a fanny pack
Who cares about JT and Cranky?
A real man’s race, Bear MTN. is only 10 days away. I don’t think I can contain my excitement!
http://www.planetout.com/images/slides/2008rg/BlueVersion.jpg
Art imitating life imitating art imitating…kindergarten?
we’ll see about that
Sheldon whatever got third in Ghila
http://velonews.com/article/75666/wren-takes-stage-at-gila-vega-leads
JFT: Well, I’m sorry I’m not Brad. I’m me!
CRANKY opens the door.
CRANKY: Nice to meet ya!
CRANKY is lying on the couch while JFT paces behind.
JFT: Boy, did your mother do a number on you.
JFT is on the couch with Kleenex and CRANKY stands on the other side of the couch.
JFT: Fine. So it’s over.
CRANKY: Oh, thank god. Why is it dark out? What time is it?
JFT: 9:30.
CRANKY: We’ve been breaking up for 10 hours?
JFT: Good-bye, CRANKY.
CRANKY: Lopper. You know, JFT, maybe we should give this a little more time. See how it looks in the light of day.
JFT: Out!
I know you are but what am I?
Cranky CRanky CRAnky CRANky CRANKy CRANKY CRANKY CRANKY Hit’em with a left Hit’em with A right please hit JFT out of site. GO Cranky
I am a dopey stupid cowardly anonymous weak straw man arguer @sshole DB who is stalking and insulting you without really trying to walk away from this conversation. You are right. Okay?
Have a nice day?
Who do you guys think would win in a battle between JFT and Coach L? I bet Coach L has mad skillz. Either that or he’d put JFT in a trance like Crocadile Dundee with that bull cow. Regardless, I bet he could outcoach him in a coachathlon.
has anyone come across a website with discussions about bike racing? i’d be into that.
“I’m still trying to walk away from this….again”
You’re either lying or are too stupid to realize you aren’t really trying
I usually try to write one post then be the bigger coach and let my words speak for themselves, but I honestly think there’s a miscommunication here and I intend to say that. I think if you just ignored him, he’d just go away. I used to get beat up by schoolyard bullies and my dad gave me that advice. And you know what? It worked. I found that if I just went down after the first punch and laid there, they would stop. Now I don’t advize my riders to ride like that in races. To the contrary, I promote being VERY agressive (almost savage), but I think again that we all need to just say that we love each other and go forward with the business of coaching and helping our riders become better racers and better people. Can we all just agree here?
Reeds’ head is the size of a watermelon in August
I’m still trying to walk away from this….again. But you just called me dopey. I’ll let that one slide, Forest.
“I don’t know many of you personally but I suspect that you’re getting agitated over some silly miscommunications.”
No, it’s not miscommunication. It’s cranky getting his jollies stalking me.
Are you so dopey that you can repeatedly insult me and think that “immediately” apologizing makes it OK?
In thread ofter thread?
If you want to attack my ideas, go ahead, but it’s you who repeatedly make it personal. I guess you enjoy that.
I’m not about to let you rag on me and let it slide. So if you want to say that I’m perpetuating it, there might be some truth in that.
But it’s you who keep starting it, so don’t go pretending to be just joshing – you’re an asshole who enjoys being an asshole.
Congratulations.
Reed is hot!
If you replay the tape, you will see that I immediately apologised yesterday after being called out my Chris M and others for not being nice. Then you started your little tirade of name calling after I agreed to end the insults. Apology recanted…
You did this to yourself, Forest. If you had just said okay, I would have left you alone. I’ll try to walk away again, but I’m sure you continue chirping regardless.
It’s so nice that sarcasm and caricature causes us to reflect upon ourselves and realize the absurdity of our actions.
The Ugli quote in the post was funny
Boys, boys, boys (and girls),
I don’t know many of you personally but I suspect that you’re getting agitated over some silly miscommunications. But I think everyone should try to get along better. The strength of the riders is directly linked to the strength of the community. Its not something I’ve talked about with the group, but something I work on very early with the riders who use my services. While I tend to not introduce power meters into my system until a rider’s 3rd year (or 2nd year of level 2 service), community building is something we do on day one. We kick off every year with a pasta dinner where we all reveal something deeply personal about ourselves – the trust developed from this exercise is invaluable.
Though in reality, they are my competition and I disagree on most levels with the advice offered by some of the other coaches, I do feel compelled to defend them all a little bit. I sincerely believe that they’re all making our community tighter, which will make you all better racers and better people at life. If one wants to use power meters in year one, or another wants to forego visualization techniques (which I think are critical) then that is their right. This country was founded on freedom (and steel frames!), so at least give some respect to my fellow coaches. Perhaps as a demonstration of our unity, we should arrange a pannel discussion of all of us local coaches just to show that despite our differences, we all love each other and are promoting the good that is cycling.
Can we end the banter and start finding things to agree upon? Our future depends on it. Saturday night isn’t good for me since I’ll be staying over at Jiminy Peak with my riders for a session, followed by slow hill intervals in the morning.
Thanks everyone!
I find it fun to imagine JT speaking in the voice of Mr. Smithers as I read his posts.
of course I’m upset
Does that make you happy? Does that make you feel smart or smug that you can rag on me all you want in a public space?
Congratulations.
I guess being a good college basketball player is an oxymoron. At least that would be the logical extension of the prevailing wisdom here.
Oh man – this whole “good cat x” thing taken to the extreme is as tedious as “go ride yur bike” and “we all suck” commentary that inevitably follows. Give it a rest.
what a sad life you must have cranky, to get pleasure out of provoking me.
You claimed yesterday that I “live for” arguments such as with you, when it’s you who love arguing and insulting people
If you want to argue about bike training, safe riding, bike racing, etc, go ahead. That seems appropriate.
But it seems you just like being a doucheb^H^H^H, I mean, an asshole. Asshole.
Oh snap! And round 2 begins…with Cranky assuming the bemused and condescending posture for opening salvo.
just curious – did I make you cry yesterday? After re-reading some of your posts, I can see that you were very, very upset with me. Just sitting there banging wildly at your keyboard…
It is okay to cry sometimes.
I’d forgotten that, as I mentioned I might have
Never any comments on power files from me
Now that is funny. You have to admit it, he’s harsh but he has a good point.
A Fine Mess
Almost Ready
Jumbo shrimp
Random Order
Pretty ugly
civil war
freezer burn
original reprint
soft rock
the point is, they are Cat 3s because they are not good. They are not even in the real race.
?????????????
I know you know what I’m saying
James J? Would whoop most Cat2s in a sprint. Will O – best TTer in the area Cat3-1. Many good Cat3s that upgrade or do not have the time to train for the next level.
Well yes there is, Toni. They may not last long in the 3s, but they are winning while there. Typically there are a half dozen of these riders at all times in the field. Maybe you forgot if you upgraded many years ago.
Cranky posts are funny
I can’t let this one go. Is there such a thing as a “good” cat 3? Sounds like an oxymoron to me.
Resume the insults with JT? Why dont you just beat your head against the nearest wall until your brow is concave – and save yourself the trouble of typing.
from 7/2/2007 1:30:00 PM
“to be a good 3 or local 2
typical in-season week: 10-12 hours
key race weeks: less hours
heavy training week early season: 12-14hr
big training weeks (involving some time off from work) in the base season and maybe again midyear: 15-20 hours.
If you’re doing more than this and working full-time you’re probably compromizing recovery or mental/social health”
I can’t decide if I should just quitely sit at my desk, flattered by the recognition, or to resume the JFT insults for another day. Mulling it over…
who?
We have some funny posters out there…
I was on the floor laughing. They got everyone right but me.
was this an anon post by Schmalz? Hard to think of anyone else who could do it.
Enjoy your celebrity! This shit is funny and I’ll bet 95% of the posters/lurkers on this site are with you… including JFT. The 5% are pathetic
Thanks for the flame, fame, or whatever it is. It WAS really funny to be in the hospital and not know if function of my finger would return.
I know I suck, but I have fun and look damn good!!!
hahahaha this is hilarious, spot on.
I, however, do recall refering to my taint in the past. For the record, its very pretty, ive been told. Looks like Cher’s upper lip between botox appointments.
What the fuck is this?
If JFT is being critical because the details are not right… that is a really funny response because that is why he was made fun in the first place: for being a slave to details
where was this posted?
but there are better things to mock me about.
Have I ever talked about training by power, or physical aspects of training at all on this site?
Probably never the second, though it’s possible that I’ve forgotten.
Never the second.
The first and foremost thing comedy needs to be is unfailingly accurate.
just why was he suspended for 3 months in the off season? and prevented from racing Lombardia and losing the Pro Tour to wheelsucking Cadel? but keeps his LBL and Giro titles? because he had conversations with his life long doctor that was somehow implicated in “Drugs for Oil” whatever that means?Very confusing. And then Basso signing completely puts it over the top…
maybe I should ask Toto?
except it shows that with logins, the thread is way more interesting…
Imagine Gimbel’s/chaotic training ride v. Bear/organized race that counts for upgrade?
This is pretty good.
real or is this a summary of the site?
maybe?
best post ever
this is awesome
This needs a bump
Can you Guys please do this again?
galleazzo, ‘fess up – did you write that? if not, what inspired you when you woke up this am to dig this one up?
thanks, tho, it was an awesome post and worth the bump. enjoyed the reread