Interbike Caption Contest

Section head text.

And here’s our happy winner!

Close inspection of our winner’s photo will show a testosterone-fueled chest-hair “wink” peeking out from his pink collar. Make no mistake, our winner Eugene is a real man – manscaping is for suckers!

We have a winner! Eugene – with the following caption:

e. Schmaltz demonstrates “acting naturally” for when Thor arrives.

This entry wins because:

1. He misspells my name (whether intentional or not) – I love that.

2. He references the ongoing man crush for Thor.

3. Just the right tone of homo-eroticism.

So Eugene will become the proud owner of the rare and precious “bawm, chicka, bawm, bawm” t-shirt. Rarely seen and appropriately un-masculine. We would like to require a photo of the winner in his new shirt, but once the shirt goes out in the mail, it’s out of our control. So we will be forced to politely beg for a photo.

Eugene, send us your address so Schmalz can mail you the shirt.

Another caption contest, this time for a Bawm Chicka Bawm Bawm shirt. Be one of only four people IN THE UNIVERSE to be the proud owner of the BCBB (can you tell they’re not selling well?).

We’ve got two photos for you to choose from, in case you don’t suffer from a pathological need to abuse Schmalz. Good luck.

28 Comments

Justin

Photo # 2

“ticket sales for the Kraftwerk reunion were slow when it was discovered only 2 of the original band members were still alive.”

Eugene

Photo 1:

a. “…and when I turn this, the guy behind you will answer his phone”.

b. “Quick, pull my finger. My FINGER, you idiot!”

Photo2:

a. Weight Watchers ad campaign: “My hips used to be this big.”

b. Enzyte ad for the opposite effect.

c. One of these guys has a stiffie.

d. “Shorts..too…tight…

e. Schmaltz demonstrates “acting naturally” for when Thor arrives.

Chris M

A: …Now the proper technique starts with relaxing. Then you bear down firmly. And it helps if Heidi here gently reaches her hands between my legs. No – Heidi, you idiot!

B: …”Now whip it into shape…shape it up…get straight…go forward…move ahead…try to detect it…its not too late…to whip it…whip it good.”

New 2006 CRCA Subteam member

You know Heidi here wants you to yodel…you know how to yodel…don’t you Danny boy?!

R

Heidi – (thinking aloud) this machine better work or else, we’re over

Man on bike – Errrrrrrrrr…I cant hold it! I’m…..I’m gonna cuh cuh…

Heidi – I’m so sad. Please help him. We’ve tried everything. Desensitizers, Electro shock therapy, nude posters of michael jackson. He’s always premature…For god sakes he still has his clothes on

Demonstrator – See Heidi, all you need to do is tighten this knob and voila, Instant Staying Power !!! Hold on buddy. You got this one.

Man on bike – Gasp. Phew. See honey I told you all my cycling was improving my life and that coming to the Interbike show would enhance our relationship

R

Guy on the cell phone in the background – Dude, we gotta order these new staying power machines. We’ll make a fortune on these things.

Guy on the other end of the call – What the hell is wrong with you.

Guy on the cell phone in the background – Think high school kids. Money, Money, Money. Plus from what I hear, your wife will love you for it. Ha, Ha, Ha just joking

Bilious Cretin

St. Pauli Girl: If you take your hand off ze tap I vill pour more beer.

Sgt. Rock: If you put your hand where it counts, I’ll reach my lactate threshold, pronto.

Ponytail Tim: Let me get my hand out of here.

Cellphone Clone: Red alert, red alert.

Seated Table Guy: Wonder if there’s anything good on tonight.

Chris M

Just when I thought I was dangerously pushing the taste line with my caption, “R” comes along and bounds right over it. Way to run with it, Mr. Class!

Kelly

Photo 1:

I am manly enough to know that my hand being this close to your penis is not threatening in any way, and we can both smile about it while the gal next to me obviously wants to hold something tubular in shape.

Photo 2:

I am sharing the stage with these lifeless manequins only so that I may prove that the Exte Ondo logo does indeed look like a Medieval helmet. Obviously, it was time well spent.

schmalz

Hey – no-name Richard – or may I call you “dick”, if you’re flaming me – well that’s fine, but if you’re picking on Eugene, why don’t you find a fork to fall on?

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