There is good news in the world of online Gatens badgering—Brian has begun loading his information into Strava! This means that I will be able to see his progress in an organized, graphical manner, but more importantly, it means that I don’t have to record all of his activities myself. This is a triumph for laziness—my laziness that is, Brian will have to pick up the "reporting on his activities" slack.

Also in the world of Gatens-based reporting news is the fact that Brian has only just informed now me that he keeps an online diary of his athletic activities, and has done so for the past four years. I would ask you now to go back and read that sentence again. Done? OK. WHAT THE HELL, BRIAN? This is like finding out that you’ve been digging a grave only to discover that your co-worker was digging the exact same grave just on the other side of the tombstone from you. There’s only one body to bury here (metaphorically—for now). If I were a real coach I would feel angry and betrayed, but I am not a real coach, as a real coach would go back through Brian’s data and devise a new plan for this season. This is not happening. So I guess I will counter what I perceive as Brian’s passive-aggressness with blatantly hostile apathy—that’s just good coaching.

Meanwhile Benedict Brian has been riding his bike. He did a long ride on New Year’s Day in order to probably lord it over his family, friends and acquaintances. I fully endorse this sort of activity, as it will make him more loathsome, and none will miss him when he leaves for a 4-day race weekend or 6-hour training ride. This is sound bike racer reasoning and the opening salvo in the psychological battle for more riding time. Cudos to you, Brian!

In accordance with my openly hostile apathy, I am NOT going to record the 21 message sent back and forth between Brian and myself during the course of the past few weeks, and that’s a shame, because I was very entertaining. But there must be repercussions for such temerity. And as luck would have it, my punishments for temerity also happen to allow me to be extra lazy in the execution of my coaching duties. In lieu of any email correspondence, I am going to include a picture of Brian’s spirit animal, the donkey sloth and link to Brian’s Strava data, but I do so under protest.