We recently caught up with Dave Zabriskie of the Garmin Slipstream team, and we give you two choices today, a podcast or a transcript – thanks to an intrepid reader who took the time to transcribe the following mess. The podcast is at the bottom of the page.

schmalz We are here with David Zabriskie, current US professional time trial champion, current champion of the Tour of Missouri from Garmin Slipstream and we’d like to say hello David; how are you today?

Dave Zabriskie: Pretty good. How are you?

schmalz Can’t complain. Long day and nearly ended…Is it true that in the Tour of Missouri that they rip the sleeves off the jersey to make it more Missourah that way?

DZ Oh, is that what you mean? Oh no, that’s not true.

schmalz They didn’t knock out a tooth either?

DZ No, not at all. On the up and up.

schmalz Really? You see, I used to live in Missouri so I know how that works. I lived in Kansas City, Missouri.

DZ Oh yeah? That’s where we finished up.

schmalz You remember what part of Kansas City you were in?

DZ I don’t know, downtown? There was a big grassy field in the middle and some kind of monument.

schmalz Was it a big kind of monument that looked like the Washington Monument?

DZ Yeah.

schmalz You were at the war memorial, it’s right by the big the train station.

DZ I walked up that thing, a long time ago.

schmalz Did you know that that war memorial at night turns into a spot for the guys who like other the guys, to meet.

DZ Oh really?

schmalz So I don’t know if you guys were there after dark or not.

DZ No, I wasn’t. I ran around there many years ago when I was with US Postal Service. Do you remember Kenny Labbe?

schmalz Hmm.

DZ He was a postman who got a job on the cycling team. He was there with me for some reason and we were there for some reason, running around the field playing cloak and dagger and no one tried to advance [make advances on] us.

schmalz Well. Maybe you were ugly.

DZ That could be. Kenny, he was a large man.

schmalz He was an actual postal worker who made the Postal team?

DZ Yeah.

schmalz There was a token postman on the team?

DZ Yeah. You never knew that?

schmalz No. Was this every year?

DZ He was on there, probably two or three years.

schmalz Wow.

DZ He still had to deliver mail in the winter. In Chicago or something. [Laughs]

schmalz So in the offseason he was still carrying letters? I never heard of anything like that. Are you sure you’re not making this up?

DZ I swear to God.

schmalz I’m beginning to doubt your story here, Dave. I don’t know.

DZ Do FactCheck or something like that. That’s the truth. Kenny Labbe, It’s spelled L-A-B-B-E, I think.

schmalz If you’ve got the spelling prepared then I guess it’s probably on the up and up. Unlike the Vaughters and diapers thing that you tried to whip past my goalie pads before … So: you’re a good time-trailist. Why the hell haven’t you won a stage race before?

DZ Good question. Well, I just did actually.

schmalz Well, you’ve got one under your belt. You’ve come close before.

DZ I’ve come close. I’ve been on the podium of stage races. I just never got to that top step until now.

schmalz Was it a plan to, let’s see, make Christian crash so that you could take over the team leadership? Was it some sort of evil plan you hatched?

DZ No, it wasn’t. I’ve told him he should maybe get his eyes checked…he’s fallen down a lot this year. I hope that’s the last of it.

schmalz Well yeah; it seems like every stage race he gets into the dirt … He’s had a bit of bad luck this year. I think it’s the year of "Plan B" for him. And you won the US national time trial again: The Annual Dave Zabriskie Memorial – I guess it’s not memorial, you’re not dead – the Annual Dave Zabriskie Exhibition Time Trial.

DZ Yes, it was good this year.

schmalz What’s you’re strategy, Dave; what’s your preparation going into that time trail?

DZ I never really been able to target it; I’ve just had to go with what I have. This year I’ve probably had more fitness than years in the past, and I think that showed with the time gaps this year.

schmalz So do you just look at your calendar, and you’re like, “Oh damn, here comes the time trial again. I guess I’m going to have to go and this year, win it again”?

DZ Well, I wanted to go. This year it was hard for me to train after the Tour, so I jumped into that Tour of Utah to try and get my system back in shape, and being at altitude and doing that race I think that’s what really helped.

schmalz And you’re not going to the Worlds this year for the time trial?

DZ No.

schmalz You’re just plum tuckered out, I suppose?

DZ I had some Achilles tendonitis flaring up at the last part of the season. It was pretty bad at Missouri, and I started out pretty early in the season and I’m a little fatigued, and I’ve done the Worlds, I don’t know, last four years; I’ve done it more than most American guys. I’m just going to take a year off.

schmalz So you’re done for the year now?

DZ Yes.

schmalz So you’re shifting into lazy day mode? Do you take time off? What do you do?

DZ Right now I just relocated somewhere so I’m settling into my new place. Yeah, just catching up with the family. That’s just kind of everyday stuff. I’m going to Las Vegas for the Interbike show and I’m going to do a few things back East.

schmalz Ah, so you’re going to settle in and install a really good alarm system this time? So no one’s going to get in…did you recover a lot from the robbery or is it just kind of gone?

DZ Yeah. I mean, it’s gone.

schmalz They sold the premium format figures down the river.

DZ No, I got most of those back, but they’re damaged so I’ll probably still replace them.

schmalz Explain what premium format figures are, just real quick.

DZ Like an action figure, but you don’t play with it. It’s more like a statue. It’s kind of like an art piece. You just display it in a nice room.

schmalz It’s like a cartoon character with bulging, rippling muscles.

DZ [Animated] Yeah, these are really top of the line; really detailed. Like real people.

schmalz Well, real imaginary people.

DZ Yeah. Real imaginary people. I mean, this company, they do Elvis, John Wayne. They have a whole line.

schmalz Still no talk of a Zabriskie action figure anywhere out there? Why can’t you put that together? Why can’t your nut lotion company come up with something like that as a promotional item?

DZ I’ll work on that.

schmalz Are you going to go Captain America next year for the time trial season?

DZ I haven’t thought about if I should change that up or not.

schmalz It seems to suit you. It’s officially the colors. I don’t think USA Cycling had any problem with it did they?

DZ No. I’ll probably stick with something similar to what I had.

schmalz So just moving into the new place, then you take a bit of the off-season then you get back into whatever training you do during the winter. It’s mostly Taebo that you do?

DZ I’m probably going to do more weights. I’ve got an imbalance in my left leg a little bit—strengthen that up.

schmalz Now last year you started off going for the overall..Tour of California. Are you going to targeting these one-week stage races now?

DZ I already have and I don’t think I’m going to change my approach.

schmalz You’re going to start targeting them more.

DZ Sure.

In California [this year] I was in really, really good shape, but Levi was a little bit better.

schmalz And at the Tour, you were there: You saw Christian wipe out and saw Bradley move his way up the GC. But where did you end up in the line up for the lead out for Tyler? Were you involved at all?

DZ No, that’s really not my kind of thing. I could do some of the earlier parts with maybe 10K to go but but when it gets down to like 5 K to go even, I just don’t have those kind of nerves for it.

schmalz You’re more chasing farther out, if they’re going for it. Like George Hincapie’s way with two more minutes to go…

DZ Ha ha ha

schmalz Get yourself right to the front of the race…

DZ Yeah, sure.

schmalz Just go as fast as you can. According to what I heard. I don’t know. I didn’t hear what was heard in the earpiece.

DZ Yeah, I just did what they said.

schmalz Are you going to care to comment about what you heard in your earpiece that day?

DZ Go to the front and ride

schmalz Following orders. What are you going to do? It’s a bike race. People get chased. Things happen. People lose seconds out there on the road … You’re signed on next year for Garmin. You have one year left on your contract?

DZ I think 2011 is contingent on our Pro Tour status

schmalz So no plans for changing? You’re not going to be on the transfer market?

DZ No.

schmalz Do any teams come up to you…you’ve signed from team to team before…does that happen on the Tour: does somebody come up to you with a piece of paper?.

DZ With some guys, yeah.

schmalz But no one’s been trying to steal you away.

DZ No.

schmalz The main thing is all the controversy going around Contador: where he’s going to go; who he’s going to end up with. I don’t even know that it’s been settled yet. I don’t think he’s happy with 
Astana. I don’t know how the whole contract works with him.

DZ Me neither.

schmalz But Vaughters didn’t try to have you buddy up to him (to Contador)?

DZ Tried? No!

schmalz You know, do some of the dirty work; tell him that he looked really pretty today or something like that.

DZ I’m nice to most everybody but I didn’t do any of that stuff.

schmalz Yes but you have a couple of archenemies, don’t you?

DZ Do I?

schmalz Nobody who ticks you off or anything?

DZ No, I love everybody.

schmalz You’re a lover, not a fighter?

DZ Yeah. That’s why I can’t do the leadouts.

schmalz Yeah, well it’s a bunch of shoving around at the end of a race. I think it’s suited to certain people.

DZ For sure it is. Sometimes some of the GC guys get so scared of the time gaps and they get up there where they’re not really comfortable and sometimes that’s what can cause some big crashes.

schmalz I don’t know why the Spanish get a bad reputation for this when seem to be mixed up in the end and if they’re not sprinters like Oscar Freire, they tend to hit the dirt and cause some calamity for whatever reason. I’ll blame the Spanish.

DZ All right.

schmalz If you want to go along with that feel free. You can give the entire nation your case.

DZ That’s too big a generalization for me.

schmalz Are we painting with too broad a brush there? We can’t blame Spain?

DZ No. Spain’s got some good riders.

schmalz Yeah they’ve got good riders. They’ve got good sprinters. Oscar’s a good sprinter. He’s in control of his bike most of the time … And now Garmin’s started winning a lot at the end of the season.

DZ It’s been a good end of the year.

schmalz I think you’ve had the most second places of any team.

DZ Yeah we’ve had a lot.

schmalz You’ve had second place all over the place. You’ve had second place locked down. So it’s nice to see a couple of those get converted. And it’s nice to see Tyler come around and get grand tour wins.

DZ Yeah, it’s cool.

schmalz So: it’s been a good year. Its coming around. I’m assuming it’s all good with the Garmin people and whoever the new people who’re coming in. Is Alberto coming over to the house today?

DZ Not that I know of. [Slightly embarrassed laugh]

schmalz He’s not stopping by and you’re not going to hang out in the hot tub and show him some hospitality?

DZ I’m in America, dude.

schmalz Well, I’m just saying: he’s joined the team! He’s got to come over and meet some people.

DZ I really don’t know any of that stuff. Actually, my wife came into the apartment in Spain and said, “there’s a huge rumor that Alberto’s going to come to your team,” and this and that, and I just told her she was full of shit; come on, that couldn’t happen. And then a couple of weeks later I found out that maybe those rumors were maybe a little substantial.

schmalz And she threw a rolling pin at you?

DZ My wife’s really more in the loop than me.

schmalz You really weren’t keeping track of what’s going on in the forums?

DZ No.

schmalz It seems to me with all your time trialing success, are you becoming more of a technical person as far as time trials go: your power, your aerodynamics and all that, or are you doing just what doing you’ve always done?

DZ Yeah, pretty much. I’ve put my hands on top of one another this year, when it was possible. It wasn’t possible in the [indecipherable]. Those time trials were too technical.

schmalz I had noticed that was getting popular.

DZ Yeah. But other than that, I haven’t really looked at the numbers or anything.

schmalz Did you test that hand position in the wind tunnel?

DZ No.

schmalz But it seems to make a difference to you?

DZ Yeah. You never really know. It feels fast. I mean, what it comes down to is probably in the legs.

schmalz Well, in the legs. That’s usually the way it works. I think you can try closing one eye.

DZ Really?

schmalz Well, that’s the half the wind resistance of two eyes.

DZ Well, Goddamn. Then you can wear your glasses.

schmalz Or you could wear a pirate’s eyepatch but I’m not sure that’s UCI-approved. That might be “face faring.”

DZ Probably get you fined.

schmalz That would be no good. Well, it’s been a good year for you, Dave. Any goals out there that you feel that were left unattained.

DZ I’m a little upset about not going to the Worlds. But that’s it’s the way it’s got to be this year. If there’s one thing I know I really want to win it’s Worlds, and I know I can’t win it if I’m not there, but this just isn’t the year for it for me.

schmalz How is the course at Worlds this year. Who do you think it suits?

DZ Most likely it’s going to suit Cancellara. It’s being held in Switzerland and I’m sure he’s pretty fired up for it. I’m not sure how Wiggins will do but I know he’s excited up for it too. I think there’s a TT tomorrow in the Vuelta; we’ll see how Millar’s form is.

schmalz Now at Garmin I think you’ve been doing a lot of research on nutritional aspects of cycling. Have you changed anyting about your diet. I think you’re staying away from wheat, pasta.

DZ A lot of guys think they’re sensitive to gluten. I haven’t changed too many things. I’ve always been fairly healthy. I increased my fish oil intake, that’s about it.

schmalz What does the fish oil do?

DZ It helps with inflammation.

schmalz Of your joints?

DZ Just your entire body. Um, everything. Does that make sense?

schmalz If you’re less inflamed, you’re faster?

DZ Yeah. When your body’s fatigued it’s it’s inflamed and things aren’t recovered.

schmalz Well –

DZ — That’s what they tell me. That’s what they tell me. “You’re inflamed. Take some fish oil.”

schmalz Here’s some fish oil. You can’t go wrong.

I think they did some history into Tom Danielson’s genetic history, and they found out he was part Eskimo.

DZ I don’t want to comment on that.

schmalz And that somehow affected his eating habits, right? And they had to change it?

DZ The issue here isn’t the Eskimos, man.

schmalz I don’t think it’s disparaging of Eskimos and Eskimo culture…

DZ He might be part-Eskimo. I had quite the chuckle when I heard that.

schmalz And he had to change his diet accordingly? Maybe it’s more fish oil?

DZ It’s possible.

schmalz Increase his blubber intake?

DZ Tom’s always on these liquidy diets. I’ve never really drastically changed my eating habits from the time of junior high until now. I think the people who put too much emphasis on dieting actually screw up their system and when they want to be normal again the system says, “oh that’s what we want!” and they get all fat. I’ve tried to stay normal and sane and not be too crazy.

schmalz By that logic Brad Wiggins is should be swinging back to being a house pretty soon.

DZ He’s never been huge. He’s always been a skinny guy. I’m not sure how he got that skinny.

schmalz He got really skinny.

DZ I don’t know how he was able to maintain the power and stay that skinny. It was impressive.

schmalz Yeah it was. You look at him and you’re like, well, obviously he’s not that strong anymore and that’s wrong. I guess he figured it out and he had the right levels of fish oil in his diet and stayed away from any sort of glutens.

DZ I just got a funny message from Julian [Dean]. I have many nicknames. One of them is “The Finisher.” That’s when things are going horrible and all I can do is finish. He needs some tips in how to engage The Finisher.

schmalz He had a rough crash the other day.

DZ I don’t know what he’s doing. If he finishes this will be his third grand tour of the year.

schmalz He’s been shoved into all the races this year.

DZ [Laughing] I’m going to tell him to disengage The Finisher.

schmalz Tell him to disengage The Finisher, have some fish oil, see how that works out for. His crash was more having a crash thrust upon him, it seems.

DZ Where do you watch these races?

schmalz Universal Sports. You go to the Universal Sports site. It’s free too, I think. You can see the taped stages too. It’s Universal Sports, it’s somehow affiliated with NBC. There are a lot races you’re in, Dave, so if you want to go see yourself, that’d be a good place for it.

DZ I’ll check it out.

schmalz And I was right about The Wire, wasn’t I?

DZ Oh yeah you were, man. The Wire! Five seasons! I blew through it.

schmalz Can you believe they shot Stringer Bell?

DZ It had to be. And I got into Battlestar Galactica after that.

schmalz I’m not with that, man.

DZ The thing is, The Wire put me into such a habit during the races, watching something at night, that I had to keep it going with Battlestar Galactica.

schmalz At the races aren’t you bored at night?

DZ Not bored but it helps you to calm your mind down and not think about the next stage. It’s like being at home, watching a little something.

schmalz When are you most anxious at races? When you’re doing well or doing poorly, thinking, God, how am I going to make it through tomorrow?

DZ Probably a little worse when you’re doing well, I think.

schmalz Because you anticipate being able to do something or you’re more worried about how you’re doing in the overall?

DZ Just nerves. You got more to lose.

schmalz You put more pressure to do perform when you’re in good shape; when you’re in bad shape you just don’t give a crap. Kind of lay there and complain to your roommate.

Who was your roommate in Missouri?

DZ Mike Friedman.

schmalz Ah, the Meatball! Were you able to…well, we’ve heard about your digestive issues.

DZ Mine? Wasn’t that bad.

schmalz He was ok? He survived? Vaugthers said you clogged up the toilet on the bus, Dave.

DZ I saw that little comment. What’d he say about it?

schmalz Well he says your Baby Wipes…

DZ Might I take this opportunity to recommend Baby Wipes to all your listeners.

schmalz I love them!

DZ As I’ve never changed my diet, I’ve never changed toilet paper.

schmalz You’ve stayed with Baby Wipes the entire time?

DZ The entire time. And I’ve converted many people along the way.

schmalz But they’re not flushable.

DZ They’re made flushable.

schmalz But you don’t use those.

DZ No. I put them in a basket.

schmalz Oh God!

DZ I put them in a laundry bag.

schmalz Pity the fool who has to take of that basket. Oh man, that’s terrible. But they’re also good for cleaning your bike. They’ll clean grease off the chain and all that.

DZ [Mind on another subject] Toilet paper’s never worked. I’ve tried it in a few binds…I don’t know how people…it just tears up all over.

schmalz What are you doing down there?

DZ [Pauses to find right words] I want to wipe my ass.

schmalz Are you thrashing about? It’s paper.

DZ [More fluently now] With toilet paper: you wipe and you look. With toilet paper I’m going to get arthritis in my joints with that many wipes. With Wet Wipes it’s one stroke…moving right along

schmalz I think this is a new record. We’ve gone 25 minutes without any digestive talk. That’s not bad. I’m at a loss. I don’t know what else there is going on this year.

DZ “It’s been real nice talking to you, Dave.”

schmalz Well thank you much. I want to congratulate you on your “Missour-ah” win. Did everyone call it “Missourah” and you’re like, can’t you see there’s an “I” there? It’s more of a rural Missour-ah thing than on the coasts.

DZ You ever see a movie called The Straight Story. Did that take place in Missouri?

schmalz Iowa. I’m know it because I’m from Iowa.

DZ Because the landscape was reminding me of Missouri.

schmalz Pretty similar? Rolling?

DZ Just gigantic lawns. The lawn industry just baffles me.

schmalz The thing about lawns is, they’re great. I have a small one and that’s fine. A big one: it’s a lot of work. You have to get a tractor and all that.

DZ It takes a lot of water. We’re using drinking water to water these things and a lot of these lawnmowers aren’t regulated by emission controls. The whole thing bothers me.

schmalz Here’s what you need to do, Dave. You need to take some of the nut lotion money and start a landscaping business with all-electric equipment and then just run it around and you have your truck in the sunny area with the solar panels on the top, charging extra batteries for all the landscaping equipment.

DZ I think people should just put rocks there.

schmalz You just want gravel?

DZ Yeah. Or Astroturf. Why not just fake grass?

schmalz You know what’s going to happen: People are going to get fake grass and it’s going to get dirty and then they’re going to go out and spray it down.

DZ Argh. You just can’t have it all.

schmalz I’m thinking you just need a bunch of electric mowers out there, but not the ones with the plugs … big cord just gets in the way.

DZ I don’t know the answer.

schmalz I know the answer. I’m just not going to tell you.

DZ I don’t really want to know. I’m not ever going to have a landscaping business.

schmalz There’s always like after cycling, Dave. Maybe you can go after landscaping.

DZ There’s definitely money to be made in landscaping. Get a few bids on your yard…and these people go out of their minds.

schmalz And if they go with electric stuff, there’s that green component and you can charge even more. If they don’t hire you, you can say: “Why do you want to kill the earth? Why are you stabbing the planet with each mowing this other company does?” It’s the perfect marketing plan.

DZ [Laughter] What do you do for a living now, Dan?

schmalz What do I do for a living?

DZ I think you should stop whatever you’re doing.

schmalz It’s tempting, but no. It would involve leaving my house every day. I don’t think I can do that.

DZ I just looked into the corner and there’re some packages.

schmalz Uh oh. You don’t get new stuff for next year yet do you?

DZ I’m not sure what’s in that box. It says Pearl Izumi.

schmalz Is it ticking?

DZ No.

schmalz That’s a good sign. Pearl Izumi doing your clothing?

DZ No. Garmin.

schmalz Well, we didn’t want to have any non-sponsor issues. Make sure to thank the sponsors…

DZ Yes

schmalz So I’m assuming the Felt that you ride is the best bike you’ve ever ridden.

DZ Yeah, I mean the Felt bike just rides really smoothly on Vittoria tires that are glued superiorily well onto our Zipp wheels and the Shimano components bring it all together on a crisp, clean ride, and you wash it down with a mix that’s encased in our Camelbak water bottles [sound of lips smacking]. I love it.

schmalz Touché, David. You’ve got to get your new pomegranate juice.

DZ Oh yes. When you’re feeling a little low and down on life, get some of that pomegranate juice in.

schmalz Don’t mention it yet. I don’t know if the check has cleared.

DZ Oh who cares? It’s great stuff regardless. Full of anti-oxidants.

schmalz Oh and you have to mention that you went to Shimano electric this year.

DZ Yes. I love that stuff, actually.

schmalz What’s your biggest gain from that?

DZ Time trial bike, it’s just a little more seamless. You don’t have to move around and get your hands out of position. And on the road side of it, it’s a lot better shifting in regular road races. For me, I have some nerve damage on one of my hands and when it gets really cold I can’t shift like a regular cable shifting. So this is extremely nice to just push a button.

schmalz I think everyone’s fear, and it’s kind of unfounded, is that the battery’s going to go dead on the road. Has it ever happened to you?

DZ It’s never happened.

schmalz So what’s the charge life on one of those batteries?

DZ It’s a long time.

schmalz You just come home and throw it on the charger?

DZ I don’t know the ins and outs of it here. It was all on my racing equipment. I don’t have it on the training stuff. I know I used it for six months without any problems.

schmalz So on the races you were doing that were max about five and six hours it always worked.

DZ Right. But I’m pretty sure it’s not something you take home and charge every night.

schmalz Now are you the type of racer who doesn’t do any mechanical stuff; you don’t feel comfortable with that?

DZ [A hint of hesitation] I can do some of it.

schmalz What’s the toughest thing you can do? Can you do a bottom bracket?

DZ What’s there to do there?

schmalz Can you put one in, attach it to the cranks, and have it work?

DZ It’s got to sides to it. Well, the new ones are pretty easy. Yeah, I think I can do that.

schmalz I can’t do anything that goes through the frame. I don’t do headsets and bottom bracket stuff but I can do everything else. I can adjust cables, derailleurs.

DZ I’m at the point now where I just give it to them. I’m pretty close with some mechanics so I just hand it off to them and they dial it in real quick.

schmalz And you hve guys where you live and on the road you have team mechanics?

DZ Yeah.

schmalz So you’re not especially mechanical?

DZ Well, I keep it clean, lubed up. Air in the tires. I went through a stage where I tried to get into that stuff. I overhauled a headset and did some things but it’s just a lot easier and a more efficient use of my time to let someone else take care of it.

schmalz Is there anyone you know who races who’s completely inept at that stuff?

DZ I think George is like that…

schmalz George Hincapie?

DZ Like he won’t even wraps his handlebars. Some [tape] will tear off and he’ll just patch it with electrical tape.

schmalz So some of his bikes are put together with duct tape and good wishes? Is that why you chased him down?

DZ Oh come on!

schmalz Well, it’s this big controversy that’s not a controversy at all.

DZ It’s not big.

schmalz I like to poke fun.

DZ Yeah, thanks.

schmalz I think I was harder on Vaughters. I asked him why he hated George but he never gave a straight answer. Actually I think he dated it back to when they were both 15 years old. A lot of water under the bridge with those two. I think our time is at a close.

DZ Far out. Thanks.

schmalz As always, it has been fascinating. We’ll have to check how your winter taebo sessions go, and how your weight-lifting goes and if you start to lose your neck, the way weight lifters do, and your big lats with whatever they call them. Congratulations on your championship and on your Missouri sleeveless jersey.

DZ Thank you.