Street Fashion: Do’s and Don’ts

Section head text.

We are watching you Mr. Fanny Pack and Ms. Pink Leg Warmers.*

In an attempt to further alienate the recreational cyclists, NYVC takes you where Pez and Bicycling wouldn’t dare go: right to the street. We are going to harangue badly kitted cyclists for their billowing muscle shirts and bib shorts worn on the outside. Of course, as with any fair and balanced media outlet, we will also (begrudgingly) hand out an occasional compliment.

*Disclaimer: All judgments that appear here are not the opinions of the NYVelocity staff. They’re incontrovertible facts. If you resent our appointing ourselves as the arbiters of velo-couture, start your own damn website.

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Do Robbie McE’s Australian champ’s jersey and clean white Sidi’s — a classic look that makes even a titanium Seven (so 90’s) forgivable.

@##=#<4,C>@##=# Do How do those Polish guys always look so damn suave on their bikes?

@##=#<13,L>@##=# Don’t If you ride a 3K bike, you can spring for a jersey too. Leave the nightshirt at home.

@##=#<22,L>@##=# Do Looking good for about $50 at Daffy’s. You can tell she doesn’t spend all of her waking hours thinking about cycling, and she still gets it just right. I bet all her roommates hate her for being perfect.

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Don’t Unless she is a hardcore cyclist, a cool bike and smart ensemble probably will not impress most ladies. We are essentially talking about a man in tights, after all. But c’mon chief — could you at least take the little bag off the handlebars? Don’t make us bring up the 40 year old Virgin .

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Don’t Some of these really don’t need captions, do they?

@##=#<7,C>@##=# Don’t Cycling jerseys come with rear pockets for one very good reason: so you don’t have to wear a fanny pack and end up as a cautionary photo on NYVC.

@##=#<17,L>@##=# Don’t We couldn’t find that guy who wears his bibs over his jersey, so this guy will have to do for now. But Bibby, we’re saving a spot for you. We’d really appreciate it if you just turned yourself in now.

@##=#<2,L>@##=# Don’t For this guy, tucking in would be an improvement. Low-waist pants are better left to young girls and plumbers.

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Do Chick magnet and you don’t even have to pedal. Win-win.

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Don’t “First I got Rollerblades, then a Razor scooter, but now I’m sporting the vintage fix, a lot of ink, and an insouciant blue bandana.”

@##=#<24,L>@##=# Don’t What is it with guys who buy mountain bikes and then put road wheels on them after they realize that there isn’t a foot of single track in the city?

@##=#<11,C>@##=# Don’t Recumbent bicycles offer some interesting advantages: superior aerodynamics, lower center of gravity . . . But we don’t care; you look like a total dweeb.

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Don’t Even with the inherent dorkiness built in to this class of bikes, this dude really went out of his way. This is like riding a mobile home on clinchers.

With sandals, of course.

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Do …but don’t even try; you couldn’t pull it off. Here is a recumbent we can finally get behind. This dude knows it’s all about style, when is the last time a guy on a recumbent passed you for more than a few secs before the next hill anyway? We say, relax. If you are going to wave your freak flag, wave it high. When you are a cycling fashion critic and this guy rolls by, you can pretty much call it a day.

@##=#<25,L>@##=# Don’t “What’s that? A sale at Sharper Image? I’m there!” If you see this guy, smack him.

@##=#<12,L>@##=# Don’t Cycling gear is tight enough for most men, but a few have to take that extra step to ensure we can see every ripple clearly. Otherwise why skip all those meals for creatine shakes? This is the same guy who uses the machines at the gym before you with no shirt. Best to crash him before he makes it there.

@##=#<28,C>@##=# Do We dig the matching Voler kit and the Oscar Freire World Champ’s C-40. And there’s no need for a helmet when your hair will break any fall.

@##=#<27,L>@##=# Don’t The Tom Boonen/ Jonas Carney faux-hawk is now officially over, spread the word.

So we’ve done the math, and we figure that for every cyclist whose spirit we have crushed here, we’ll get 10 new fans for the site. So stop snickering – we have our eye on you, and we’d be more than happy to trade you in for those 10 readers next time.

43 Comments

M Scott

You are bitter and small minded men who’s only joy in life is to poison the rest of us us with your jealousy and low self esteem in a transparent attempt to feel better about yourselfves .

Now go make more.

lee3

The pinnacle of hilarity! Do’s & Don’t should have quarterly updates. Over bib guy and Mr. Tubesocks need to be exposed.

WHEW!!!!!

I was so relieved when I got to the bottom of the page and I wasn’t in any of the “don’t” shots. I was scared you may have caught me in my full USPS kit with matching helmet and water bottles.

Jon O'B

I’ll pay good money for the first pic of the dude in Prospect Park in full CSC kit w/Cervelo bike (matching shoes, bottle, helmet & glasses too) going the WRONG WAY. My personal fave.

5th Pic From Bottom

NYVC spy camera catches the 2006 Merrill Lynch Team kit out for a test spin. The aero helmet looks good, fellas.

From my soapbox...

If you can afford a fancy bike, shoes, kit and all the rest, you can afford a helmet. The no-helmet look is always a big don’t. I constantly amazed at the number of CRCA guys who ride away from the races sporting the Andrei Kivilev look.

J O

Keep an eye out for the guy with full euro-kit and TT rig who “trains” in the park at 12mph.

And how did you get the Polish guys to take off their weird (but still suave) visor-helmets?

Speaking of helmets, another don’t to add (you’ll find them) is dangling it from the handlebars. Wear it or leave it home for crissakes. You probably have to go to the 5 boro bike tour for the backward helmet look.

Konstantin Dzhibilov

Yo Porter,

Wa u got to copy me for???? Ya, the _hawk is over, officially…

Looking good, though, only with no helmet…

juaniflaco

this reminds me of vice magazine.

there was a guy in a cat 5 race wearing cutoff jeans, studded belt, chuck taylors, and a black t shirt. no pic tho.

Kurt Schroeder

I ride an Atala road bike as a commuter and I wear regular shorts and T-shirt. I may look dweebie, but if I wore my lycra shorts and my jersey I would look like a freak walking in to work. I say if you are commuting, it’s OK not to look like you are actually on a tour.

http://kurtandsandy.blogspot.com

lee3

If you wanna to see the ground zero of “don’t” status cycling, just take a little stroll to Prospect. I think they breed’em there. Back in my cat.5 days I can recall this dude pulling up to the line with a bike that looked held together with scotch tape + he had an unwrapped power bar stuck to the top tube of his frame for the occassional snack on the run. He subsequently crashed on the third lap of the upgrade section and took out several with’em!

Chris M

Sooo funny. I wish you got a shot of the dude Ive seen practically every day in the park with a decent (yellow) road bike, bike shorts, but ALWAYS a billowing 2-sizes-too-large cotton T shirt and fanny pack. You’d think months on the bike observing others would inspire…

I also see an opportunity for ‘honorable mention’ for the old lady walker/jogger in the neon pink jogger getup and face covered with zinc oxide. Very scary and creepy indeed…

Hey Mr Mamata

I thought it was called cycling fashion Do’s and Don’ts.

Actually Im surprise there aren’t more killjoys with out a sense of humor, you guys know how to enjoy your riding in NYC.

Don't dis the Zinc woman!

That poor woman has a rare skin disease and can not take any exposure to the sun, she is brave to go out at all let alone run. It is assuredly not any kind of radical fashion statement.

Niko

You’re confusing Zinc-lady with Pink-Sweater-leg warmer -always-smiling lady – they are different. Zinc Lady should not be dissed for the reasons listed earlier – but Pinky Tuscadaro is fair game…

Hypocrits...

Why is a current Aussie Nat’l champ jersey cool, but a vintage world champ jersey uncool? Some consistency, please…

Duncan

I am in love with the older woman who runs in the park with her breasts a-flapping, Is their hope for her and me, Will this take me off the Do list ?

special K

where are the shots of the people wearing underwear under their cycling shorts? That’s like #1 fashion faux pas, and you guys missed it! Back out to the park with you, asap.

Seamus McBiker

You forgot to include the hot chick that wears a tank top to show everyone her boobs when she leans forward on the handlebars.

Comments are closed.